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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 1
It is often argued that government allocate a lot of budget for curing different diseases instead of spending money on their prevention and creating awareness. I completely disagree with this statement because treatment is a basic necessity for living a healthy and prosper life. It is true that prevention is better than cure so some people suggest that government should spend more budget on creating awareness and providing health education. The genetic diseases such as HIV aids are usually caused by the mutation of chromosomes containing genes that have common ancestors. In other words, children from that parents are more likely to inherit genetic disorders which can result in incurable diseases. For instance, cousin marriages are among one of the main reasons of genetically transferred disorders and research shows that almost 20% of the diagnosed cases are caused by cousin marriages. Therefore, in such cases prevention is the only solution as these disorders are impossible to cure. However, some illnesses such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure have no certain preventive measure and in spite of health education these diseases cannot be prevented. Moreover, people suffering from these ailments can only be saved in case of early diagnosis. For example, doctors can only cure cancer when it is diagnosed at an early stage by performing extensive therapies and late diagnosis can be fatal. Therefore, government should spend more money on providing health facilities for providing cure. In conclusion, government should allocate more funds for treating illnesses due to the fact that patients suffering from non-genetic ailments requires a constant treatment and intensive care units in order to save their lives.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
budget for curing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
instead
of spending money on their prevention and creating awareness. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
treatment is a basic necessity for living a healthy and prosper life.

It is true that prevention is better than cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more budget on creating awareness and providing health education. The genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as HIV aids are
usually
caused by the mutation of chromosomes containing genes that have common ancestors.
In other words
, children from that parents are more likely to inherit genetic disorders which can result in incurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
For instance
, cousin marriages are among one of the main reasons of
genetically
transferred disorders and research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that almost 20% of the diagnosed cases
are caused
by cousin marriages.
Therefore
, in such cases prevention is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution as these disorders are impossible to cure.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure have no certain preventive measure and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
health education these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffering from these ailments can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be saved
in case of early diagnosis.
For example
, doctors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cure cancer when it
is diagnosed
at an early stage by performing extensive therapies and late diagnosis can be fatal.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money on providing health facilities for providing cure.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more funds for treating illnesses due to the fact that patients suffering from non-genetic ailments requires a constant treatment and intensive care units in order to save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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