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Government should spend more money on education than sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government should spend more money on education than sports. v. 1
There is an ongoing debate about the sector of the economy that governments should spend more money on. Some people believe more cash should be spent on education rather than sports. In my opinion, more resources should be spent on sports. To begin, most countries are investing more in sports due to the many benefits associated with it. Firstly, spending more money on sports helps to showcase a country to the world through its athletes. In other words, during huge sporting events like the Olympics and world cup, athletes that do well, portrays their nation in a positive light. Secondly, a state whose infrastructure is up to standard may have the opportunity to host one of the games and that is a high boost for that country socially as a lot of tourists will come to explore. Another point to consider is the economical value investing more in sports brings to a nation. A country with lots a gold medal to its name, most of the time attract foreign investors whose influx of resources boost the economy. For example, in 2017 when Nigeria won the last world cup, the Business Men Association recorded 15 foreign investors who planted roots there. Furthermore, top athletes are seen as role models and as a result of this, most companies use them to advertise their products. To conclude, although education is as important as sports as sectors of the economy is concerned, I believe that more money should be spent on sports as this will bring positivity, tourists, and revival to a country.
There is an ongoing debate about the sector of the economy that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend more money on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe more cash should
be spent
on education
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In my opinion, more resources should
be spent
on sports.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are investing more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits associated with it.
Firstly
, spending more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to showcase a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to the world through its athletes.
In other words
, during huge sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like the Olympics and world cup, athletes that do well, portrays their nation in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
light.
Secondly
, a state whose infrastructure is up to standard may have the opportunity to host one of the games and
that is
a high boost for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
socially
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tourists will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to explore.

Another point to consider is the economical value investing more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
brings to a nation. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with lots a gold medal to its name, most of the time attract foreign investors whose influx of resources
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "boosts"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'boost' is not always incorrect.)
boost
the economy.
For example
, in 2017 when Nigeria won the last world cup, the Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
Association recorded 15 foreign investors who planted roots there.
Furthermore
, top athletes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as role models and
as a result
of this, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to advertise their products.

To conclude
, although education is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as sectors of the economy
is concerned
, I believe that more money should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as this will bring positivity, tourists, and revival to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend more money on education than sports. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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