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Develop Countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v.1

Develop Countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 1
There is no doubt that climate change has become a severe global concern. Although many think that developed countries have played a significant role in this issue, several measures can be taken to address this problem. Firstly, there are a number of reasons why global warming is a serious concern, including the negative impact on people`s health and global ecosystems. With regard to the former, there is ample evidence that shows that people exposed to pollution are much more likely to develop respiratory problems and cancer. Thus, they put their well-being in severe jeopardy. Not only this but the natural ecosystems, such as flora and fauna, may also suffer from climate change. In other words, if the ocean temperatures continue to rise substantially, many marine and land habitats, including corals, will die out, thus leading to a natural catastrophe. Nevertheless, several steps can be taken to tackle this global concern. Firstly, the government may take a long-term proactive approach to reduce CO2 emissions, which is mainly caused by heavy industries and traffic congestion. As a result, if they implemented the usage of sustainable energy, which is often known as green energy, this would lead to less pollution levels, and thus reducing global warming. Another significant measure is to save and plant more forests all over the world, which would produce more O2. In contrast, if no action is taken, deforestation and erosion will promote global warming. In conclusion, despite being a pressing problem in developed countries and all over the world due to its effect in health complications and habitats, climate change might be reduced by using renewable energy and producing more O2.
There is no doubt that climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has become a severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
concern. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have played a significant role in this issue, several measures can
be taken
to address this problem.

Firstly
, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming is a serious concern, including the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
ecosystems. With regard to the former, there is ample evidence that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
exposed to pollution are much more likely to develop respiratory problems and cancer.
Thus
, they put their well-being in severe jeopardy. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the natural ecosystems, such as flora and fauna, may
also
suffer from climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
In other words
, if the ocean temperatures continue to rise
substantially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
marine and land habitats, including corals, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out,
thus
leading to a natural catastrophe.

Nevertheless
, several steps can
be taken
to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
concern.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may take a long-term proactive approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
CO2 emissions, which is
mainly
caused by heavy industries and traffic congestion.
As a result
, if they implemented the usage of sustainable energy, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
known as green energy, this would lead to less pollution levels, and
thus
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming. Another significant measure is to save and plant more forests all over the world, which would produce more O2.
In contrast
, if no action
is taken
, deforestation and erosion will promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming.

In conclusion
, despite being a pressing problem in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and all over the world due to its effect in health complications and habitats, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by using renewable energy and producing more O2.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Develop Countries have created many environmental problems in the World, particularly in their contribution to global warming. Why is global warming a problem? What can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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