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Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 2
Nowadays, in this contemporary world, sports and arts make the bondings more stronger among people of different countries than the previous time. But it is now still a controversial issue whether government spend money on the development of sport and art for school students or the opposite (professional sport or art performance for general people) in that case. Personally, I partially agree with the former statement. In my opinion, I strongly believe government expenditures must be go on for both novice and experienced performer. In this essay, I will discuss the issue with giving examples of two recent statistics data. Firstly, it is always necessary to stronly make up the pipe-line for the bright future of the performers who would willingly lead a nation. It is only possible when an expenditure of the government would go on for school students as that time is vital for learning any thing smoothly. Moreover, young blood is always hungry for tanking any upcoming challenge easily. For example, Australian government spend a large amount of money (around 15%) from their budget to encourage the novice art and sprort performer in a school level. However, these performers now holds for the vital places in a national Australian team. So, it is conclusively clear that a well amount of money must be spent to encourage the development of art and sport performer in a school level. Secondly, if the goverment not spend a handsome money for the professional art and sport performers then obviously they would not show their performances in a world class tournaments because of the crisis of the money. Moreover, it is quite impossible to arrange all the things with private or self fundings. As a result, nation would miss the glory to attend or win the prizes of such type of tournaments. For instance, combodian national olympic team did not attend the last olympic tournament as the government of this country did not take their responsibility for national crisis. As a consequence, they had missed the chance for winning the prizes. So, it is also the responsibilty of the government to spend money for the experienced performers. In conclusion, although it is a controvercial issue whether government spend their income for a long time, it would obviously wise for the government to spend their money for school students as well as for general people to encourage the development of sport and art performers.
Nowadays, in this contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries than the previous time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
still
a controversial issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students or the opposite (professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
performance for general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
)
in that case
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expenditures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
on for both novice and experienced performer. In this essay, I will discuss the issue with giving examples of two recent statistics data.

Firstly
, it is always necessary to
Possible spelling mistake found.
stronly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up the pipe-line for the bright future of the performers who would
willingly
lead a nation. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible when an expenditure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would go on for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students as that time is vital for learning
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
smoothly
.
Moreover
, young blood is always hungry for tanking any upcoming challenge
easily
.
For example
, Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
(around 15%) from their budget to encourage the novice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sprort
performer in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.
However
, these performers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
holds for the vital places in a national Australian team.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a well amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
to encourage the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
performer in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.

Secondly
, if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
performers then
obviously
they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their performances in a world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "tournament"?
tournaments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the crisis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, it is quite impossible to arrange all the things with private or self
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
.
As a result
, nation would miss the glory to attend or win the prizes of such type of tournaments.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
combodian
national
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
team did not attend the last
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
tournament as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of this country did not take their responsibility for national crisis. As a consequence, they had missed the chance for winning the prizes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
also
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilty
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the experienced performers.

In conclusion
, although it is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
controvercial
issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their income for a long time, it would
obviously
wise for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students
as well
as for general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to encourage the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
performers.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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