Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 1
There are different views about the government funding of sport and art should be focused on either young minds studying at school or the nation as a whole. While I accept that money invested on the population in terms of sport and art brings about benefits, I would argue that it is better to give the younger generation a high priority in these kinds of investment. For a variety of reasons, I agree that the emphasis on government expenditure on sport and art for the community helps a country progress. Firstly, the country can receive a large proportion of income from supporting the professionals taking an active involvement in sport or art. For example, in the field of sport, football is classed as a game of billions, therefore acts as a major source of income for some countries. Secondly, this sort of spending aids the state to achieve instant fame. Take an example, the events include famous art performers or sport matches, namely in football with world class footballers, always attract great attention of virtually all people throughout the world. Despite the above arguments, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the provision of considerable amount of funds for the sport and art of schoolchildren. Initially, the young people taking part in sport activities are able to be in excellent of health. The height of children, for instance, regularly playing basketball is taller than those who do not train any kind of sport. Additional point is that school attenders can develop their creativity via participating sport or art performance. Even a small success gives them a sense of achievement, thus they try to make an attempt to produce better creative in either art or sport. In conclusion, while I agree that government spending on professionals in sport or performers in art is of importance, I believe that considering the younger population’s active part in sport and art is far more necessary.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be focused
on either young minds studying at school or the nation as a whole. While I accept that money invested on the population in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
brings about benefits, I would argue that it is better to give the younger generation a high priority in these kinds of investment.

For a variety of reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the emphasis on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
for the community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "country progress".
a country progress
.
Firstly
, the country can receive a large proportion of income from supporting the professionals taking an active involvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, football
is classed
as a game of billions,
therefore
acts as a major source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
Secondly
, this sort of spending aids the state to achieve instant fame. Take an example, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
performers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
matches,
namely
in football with world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
footballers, always attract great attention of
virtually
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
throughout the world.

Despite the above arguments, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the provision of considerable amount of funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
of schoolchildren.
Initially
, the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities are able to be in excellent of health. The height of children,
for instance
,
regularly
playing basketball is taller than those who do not train any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Additional point is that school attenders can develop their creativity via participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
performance. Even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
success gives them a sense of achievement,
thus
they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an attempt to produce better creative in either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or sport.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending on professionals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or performers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is of importance, I believe that considering the younger population’s active part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is far more necessary.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts