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Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 1
There are different views about the government funding of sport and art should be focused on either young minds studying at school or the nation as a whole. While I accept that money invested on the population in terms of sport and art brings about benefits, I would argue that it is better to give the younger generation a high priority in these kinds of investment. For a variety of reasons, I agree that the emphasis on government expenditure on sport and art for the community helps a country progress. Firstly, the country can receive a large proportion of income from supporting the professionals taking an active involvement in sport or art. For example, in the field of sport, football is classed as a game of billions, therefore acts as a major source of income for some countries. Secondly, this sort of spending aids the state to achieve instant fame. Take an example, the events include famous art performers or sport matches, namely in football with world class footballers, always attract great attention of virtually all people throughout the world. Despite the above arguments, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the provision of considerable amount of funds for the sport and art of schoolchildren. Initially, the young people taking part in sport activities are able to be in excellent of health. The height of children, for instance, regularly playing basketball is taller than those who do not train any kind of sport. Additional point is that school attenders can develop their creativity via participating sport or art performance. Even a small success gives them a sense of achievement, thus they try to make an attempt to produce better creative in either art or sport. In conclusion, while I agree that government spending on professionals in sport or performers in art is of importance, I believe that considering the younger population’s active part in sport and art is far more necessary.
There are
different
views about the
government
funding of
sport
and
art
should
be focused
on either young minds studying at school or the nation as a whole. While I accept that money invested on the population in terms of
sport
and
art
brings about benefits, I would argue that it is better to give the younger generation a high priority in these kinds of investment.

For a variety of reasons, I
agree
that the emphasis on
government
expenditure on
sport
and
art
for the community
helps
a country progress
.
Firstly
, the country can receive a large proportion of income from supporting the professionals taking an active involvement in
sport
or
art
.
For example
, in the field of
sport
, football
is classed
as a game of billions,
therefore
acts as a major source of income for
some
countries.
Secondly
, this sort of spending aids the state to achieve instant fame. Take an example, the
events
include
famous
art
performers or
sport
matches,
namely
in football with world
class
footballers, always attract great attention of
virtually
all
people
throughout the world.

Despite the above arguments, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the provision of considerable amount of funds for the
sport
and
art
of schoolchildren.
Initially
, the young
people
taking part in
sport
activities are able to be in excellent of health. The height of children,
for instance
,
regularly
playing basketball is taller than those who do not train any kind of
sport
. Additional point is that school attenders can develop their creativity via participating
sport
or
art
performance. Even a
small
success gives them a sense of achievement,
thus
they try to
make
an attempt to produce better creative in either
art
or sport.

In conclusion
, while I
agree
that
government
spending on professionals in
sport
or performers in
art
is of importance, I believe that considering the younger population’s active part in
sport
and
art
is far more necessary.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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