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mobile phone usage is responsible for lot of medical social technical problem what forms this problem take do you agree that the problem outweigh advantages of mobile phones. v.1

mobile phone usage is responsible for lot of medical social technical problem what forms this problem take do you agree that the problem outweigh advantages of mobile phones. v. 1
Nowadays, it is not secret that after inventing and widespread artificial intelligence they changed our lives profoundly and they make our lives easier. On of the most popular and commonly used by humanity is cell phones. However, there are some benefits and negatives. The following essay will examine these issues. Firstly, it is obvious to consider mobile phones useful. As with the help of them the humanity opens many doors of the future. In fact, it gives lots of opportunities to us. For instance, it helps us to communicate with others from a long distance. Secondly, it was very useful in the war years, namely in the world war 2. That time mobile phone usage gives supreme commanders of countries to discuss strategies with their allies from the distance. Fortunately, with the help of communications transmitted equipments they help humanity from suffering and dying troops and peaceful citizens. On the other hand, despite the above mentioned benefit it has disadvantages to some extent. First and foremost, it has negatives for the human health. Evidences suggest that radioactive substances from cell phones affect to human body immediately. Therefore, in some countries demand its citizens less using electronic devices not only in publicity but also in domestic conditions. Another disadvantage that, currently amount of younger usages becoming more and more. And for this reason many countries and parents concerning for their young generation. Thereby, they are attempting to put in new laws that would be limit hours of using phones in publicity. In conclusion, it is clear that a huge amount of benefits from newer electronic devices make our lives easier. With the help of them, we are closer to the new era. However, disadvantages of them also colossal. Thereby, despite all benefits it is also important to consider all sides. However, it is not encouraged to consider the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, it is not secret that after inventing and widespread artificial intelligence they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
profoundly and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier.
Did you mean "one"?
On
of the most popular and
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by humanity is cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and negatives. The following essay will examine these issues.

Firstly
, it is obvious to consider mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
useful.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of them the humanity opens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doors of the future. In fact, it gives lots of opportunities to us.
For instance
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to communicate with others from a long distance.
Secondly
, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in the war years,
namely
in the
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war 2
. That time mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage gives supreme commanders of countries to discuss strategies with their allies from the distance.
Fortunately
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of communications transmitted equipments they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
humanity from suffering and dying troops and peaceful citizens.

On the other hand
, despite the above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
it has disadvantages to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
First
and foremost, it has negatives for the human health. Evidences suggest that radioactive substances from cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
affect to human body immediately.
Therefore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries demand its citizens less using electronic devices not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in publicity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in domestic conditions. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
that,
currently
amount of younger usages becoming more and more. And
for this reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and parents concerning for their young generation. Thereby, they are attempting to put in new laws that would be limit hours of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in publicity.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
from newer electronic devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of them, we are closer to the new era.
However
, disadvantages of them
also
colossal. Thereby, despite all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider all sides.
However
, it is not encouraged to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
outweigh the disadvantages.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay mobile phone usage is responsible for lot of medical social technical problem what forms this problem take do you agree that the problem outweigh advantages of mobile phones. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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