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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? ? v.1

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. ? v. 1
These days, the government spends a large proportion of its budget not only on education, healthcare and other public services but also on arts. Although I believe that it is essential to spend money on public services, I do not think that investments in art are waste of money. There are several reasons for spending a significant amount of money in public services. First and foremost, healthcare, educational institution, public transportation and other areas are the main things that the government has to support financially as it predicts the quality of life that citizens will have. If the government doesn’t spend enough money on hospitals, the health of our society may decline. Similarly, if there is a lack of finances in schools, education of next generations can be threatened. Another important point is that the poor can be affected even more as they often have to rely on services that are provided freely for them. Nowadays, we can see that many people living in the USA are struggling to pay even for basic treatment and many would agree that the reason for it is underestimated funding of social and health care system in these states. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that arts should be neglected. Art is important to support as it provides people with education and entertainment. Theatres, galleries, museums, operas and other places have an important impact on our society and on people’s quality of life as many of them find a great pleasure in various performances and different exhibitions. In addition, it is often difficult significantly for these institutions generate much profit, thus, they are partly dependant on government support. This is to say that unless the government provides many of these places with donations, many of these buildings might have to be closed. To conclude, there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public services, however, it shouldn’t be at the expense of art.
These days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends a large proportion of its budget not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on education, healthcare and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Although I believe that it is essential to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that investments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are waste of money.

There are several reasons for spending a significant amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
First
and foremost, healthcare, educational institution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation and other areas are the main things that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
support
financially
as it predicts the quality of life that citizens will have. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
doesn’t spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money on hospitals, the health of our society may decline.
Similarly
, if there is a lack of finances in schools, education of
next
generations can
be threatened
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that the poor can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
even more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that
are provided
freely
for them. Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the USA are struggling to pay even for basic treatment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the reason for it
is underestimated
funding of social and health care system in these states.

Nevertheless
, it doesn’t mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be neglected
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to support as it provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with education and entertainment.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Theatres' is British English.
Theatres
, galleries, museums, operas and other places have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact on our society and on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s quality of life as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them find a great pleasure in various performances and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
exhibitions.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult
significantly
for these institutions generate much profit,
thus
, they are partly
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support. This is to say that unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these places with donations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these buildings might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be closed
.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
however
, it shouldn’t be at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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