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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v.27

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 27
Some people are convinced that the financial reserve of the government should be allocated to the public sector rather than on arts. However, I strongly believe that arts play a major role in the development of a country. Primarily, arts symbolise the culture of a nation. In the primitive era, people celebrated their occasion through music and dance. These cultural activities have become a religious ritual for them, thereby representing an aboriginal tradition. It is in the style of an art such as designs of garments and historic rock sculptures that determine the ethnicity of a group. For example, in the Philippines, the Ifugao tribe in Bulacan is well known for wearing a bahag attire, which looks like an old an old-fangled brief. Their cultural identity becomes famous because of their artistic rice terraces. Furthermore, arts have become the freedom of expression. Some arts enthusiast can demonstrate their feelings through music or paintings. Such activities have a reasonable means of portraying emotions. One example of this is expressing depression through a composition of a melancholic song rather than to venture in a destructive behaviour such as inebriation of alcohol. Thus, art is a good passion that entices the people to do recreational activities. Finally, it is widely believed that some artistic outputs have contributed to the tourism of a country. There are holidaymakers who visit a country so they can witness a painting, sculptures or any artistic masterpiece. To illustrate, the painting of Juan Luna “ the Spolarium “ in the Philippines has lured a considerable number of foreign visitors. This is because the painting depicts the suffering of most Filipinos at the time of Spaniard regime, which becomes a historical event in the country. To conclude, I am convinced that arts have a greater contribution to the society. Not only does it represent the cultural heritage of a country, but it also encourages performing a formidable masterpiece that can promote the culture of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are convinced
that the financial reserve of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
be allocated
to the public sector
rather
than on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play a major role in the development of a country.

Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
Possible spelling mistake. 'symbolise' is British English.
symbolise
the culture of a nation. In the primitive era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
celebrated their occasion through music and dance. These cultural activities have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a religious ritual for them, thereby representing an aboriginal tradition. It is in the style of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as designs of garments and historic rock sculptures that determine the ethnicity of a group.
For example
, in the Philippines, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ifugao
tribe in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bulacan
is well known for wearing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bahag
attire, which looks like an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
old-fangled
brief. Their cultural identity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their artistic rice terraces.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the freedom of expression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "arts'" or "art's"?
arts
enthusiast can demonstrate their feelings through music or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
. Such activities have a reasonable means of portraying emotions. One example of this is expressing depression through a composition of a melancholic song
rather
than to venture in a destructive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
such as inebriation of alcohol.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
passion that entices the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do recreational activities.

Finally
, it is
widely
believed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artistic outputs have contributed to the tourism of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. There are holidaymakers who visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can witness a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
, sculptures or any artistic masterpiece. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
of Juan Luna
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Spolarium
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
in the Philippines has lured a considerable number of foreign visitors. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
depicts the suffering of most Filipinos at the time of Spaniard regime, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in the country.

To conclude
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have a greater contribution to the society. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it represent the cultural heritage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
encourages performing a formidable masterpiece that can promote the culture of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 27

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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