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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v.26

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 26
The government spending on arts has long been a contentious issue. Many counter the idea of government incurring expenses to promote arts. However, I feel governments should continue to spend money on arts. This will be argued by analysing how arts can contribute to a country’s economy as well as serve as a platform to achieve one’s goals. To begin, arts such as music and theatre are steady sources of income for a country. A case in point would be New Zealand, where the government supports new artists by lending them money to kick-start their careers, which in turn enables the state to collect taxes on the revenue earned by these artists. This stream of income would be lost if there’s no spending to foster local artists. Hence it is clear that arts are vital for a country’s economic health rather than being a liability to it. In addition, having a decent infrastructure for creative industries would mean realisation of dreams of millions who wish to be artists. For instance, in the UK, a person could choose to adopt arts as a career path, enabling him or her to earn a fair livelihood, rather than having to reluctantly pick a profession that he or she does not feel passionate about. A state where the government doesn’t invest in arts would most likely prevent people to go after what they long for, resulting in frustration on the part of people. Therefore arts play an important part in contentedness of the individuals of a nation. In summary, the government should continue to devote resources to arts since its significance in a country’s tax system and bringing happiness to people should not be underestimated. Henceforth, government’s funding of arts is not a waste of a country’s resources.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
has long been a contentious issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
counter the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
incurring expenses to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
However
, I feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should continue to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. This will
be argued
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can contribute to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy
as well
as serve as a platform to achieve one’s goals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are steady sources of income for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. A case in point would be New Zealand, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
supports new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
by lending them money to kick-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their careers, which in turn enables the state to collect taxes on the revenue earned by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. This stream of income would
be lost
if there’s no spending to foster local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are vital for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economic health
rather
than being a liability to it.

In addition
, having a decent infrastructure for creative industries would mean
Possible spelling mistake. 'realisation' is British English.
realisation
of dreams of millions who wish to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
For instance
, in the UK, a person could choose to adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a career path, enabling him or her to earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
livelihood,
rather
than having to
reluctantly
pick a profession that he or she does not feel passionate about. A state where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
doesn’t invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
would most likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go after what they long for, resulting in frustration on the part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in contentedness of the individuals of a nation.

In summary, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should continue to devote resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
since its significance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
tax system and bringing happiness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
be underestimated
. Henceforth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
funding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not a waste of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
resources.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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