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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? : “People communicate with each other less than in the pass because of the popularity of television”. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Make sure to use your own words. Do not v.608

: “People communicate with each other less than in the pass because of the popularity of television”. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Make sure to use your own words. Do not v. 608
No one can deny that nowadays, people around the world has more and better possibilities to communicate with their loved ones and friends. In my opinion, I do not agree with the statement above, because public in general has more access to communication, and this progress has occurred thanks to the widespread of the Internet, and not precisely because of the popularity of television. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the subsequent paragraphs. First of all, the broad use of the internet allows us to communicate quickly with our relatives, which reduces our loneliness and homesickness. Thanks to advances in modern technology we not only can communicate with our families, but we can also see them through video calls. This is a remarkable opportunity that we did not have in the past. My personal experience is compelling example of this. I remember twenty—five years ago when I met my husband at the Pharmacy school and decided to move to Japan, his home country, after our wedding. I was feeling lonely and depressed because I moved very far away from my parents and at that time and didn’t know the local language. Moreover, I did not have friends either, and missed my loved ones constantly. It was a very difficult and sorrowful time in my live, but thanks to the Internet I was able to call my relatives every day, also chat with them through video calls. Eventually my loneliness went away, and I started feeling happy again. In addition, I was so happy that we decided to start a family. If the Internet had never created such sophisticated advances, I would have never been able to communicate frequently with my relatives. Secondly, we can use the internet to contact an online doctor or a hospital, which allow us to receive immediate care in case of an emergency. The Internet not only provide us with technology, but also with great comfort since we are able to consult a doctor from our homes or offices. My sister example demonstrated that internet has no boundaries. Two weeks ago she called me because my niece had high fever and she didn’t know what to do. She was desperate because her car was broken and didn’t have nobody else to call. Then I encouraged her to use Teladoc, which is a telemedicine company that uses telephone and videoconferencing technology to provide medical care via internet. After a few minutes talking with a professional via Skype she was able not only to ask him questions, but also receive recommendations about her daughter’s treatment. She also received a prescription for her daughter, which was delivered to her house in less than twenty minutes, as well as emotional support to overcome her anxiety. She was so happy that she started calling friends to encourage them to use Teladoc and wrote a candid comment on its website. If my sister had never consulted an online doctor, my niece would have never gotten cured so fast and so well. To conclude, I am of the opinion that the widespread use of the internet makes our lives happier and easier. This is because the extensive use of the internet allows us to communicate quickly with our families, which reduces our loneliness and sadness and because we can use the internet to contact an online doctor or a hospital, which allow us to receive immediate care in case of an emergency.
No one can deny that nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world has more and better possibilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and friends. In my opinion, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement above,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
public
in general
has more access to communication, and this progress has occurred thanks to
The phrase 'the widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the widespread of
the Internet, and not
precisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the popularity of television. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the subsequent paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the broad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
quickly
with our relatives, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
our loneliness and homesickness. Thanks to advances in modern technology we not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with our families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them through video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
. This is a remarkable opportunity that we did not have in the past. My personal experience is compelling example of this. I remember
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "twenty-five".
twenty—five
years ago when I met my husband at the Pharmacy school and decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to Japan, his home country, after our wedding. I was feeling lonely and depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
far away from my parents and at that time and didn’t know the local language.
Moreover
, I did not have friends either, and missed my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
constantly
. It was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult and sorrowful time in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thanks to the Internet I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
my relatives every day,
also
chat with them through video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
.
Eventually
my loneliness went away, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
feeling happy again.
In addition
, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy that we decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a family. If the Internet had never created such sophisticated advances, I would have never been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
frequently
with my relatives.

Secondly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to contact an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or a hospital, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
us to receive immediate care in case of an emergency. The Internet not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide us with technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with great comfort since we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to consult a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
from our homes or offices. My sister example demonstrated that internet has no boundaries. Two weeks ago she called me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my niece had high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fever and
she didn’t know what to do. She was desperate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her car
was broken
and didn’
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
t have nobody
else to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
. Then I encouraged her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teladoc
, which is a telemedicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
telephone and videoconferencing technology to provide medical care via internet. After a few minutes talking with a professional via Skype she was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to ask him questions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
receive recommendations about her daughter’s treatment. She
also
received a prescription for her daughter, which
was delivered
to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in less than twenty minutes,
as well
as emotional support to overcome her anxiety. She was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
calling friends to encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teladoc
and wrote a candid comment on its website. If my sister had never consulted an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, my niece would have never gotten cured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happier and easier. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allows
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
quickly
with our families, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
our loneliness and sadness and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to contact an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or a hospital, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allow
us to receive immediate care in case of an emergency.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay : “People communicate with each other less than in the pass because of the popularity of television”. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Make sure to use your own words. Do not v. 608

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
575 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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