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Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. v. 1
Up to the point, the above given statement is absolutely true. Nowadays, we could see the government is contributing lots of money on theatres. The job of the government is to provide service to the people service, for which we have elected them. Instead, they are pairing up with the commercial and business people and investing more money in their fields. Government has the responsibility of taking care of the people who are working in the government sectors as well. Because most of the old age people are serving in government more than 35 years. Moreover, the people who have more service in the government are not getting their pensions and GD on time. The main reason for this is government is least bothered about this and they are uttermost interested in increasing their wealth. On the other hand, not only government but the people who are working under government are also corrupted and they are looting from the poor people instead of helping them. We could see lots people who are facing difficulties in getting their income from higher authorities for many months. Politicians are bound up with business people and investing public money. In my opinion, government should involve and help people who are not reaching their needs which they supposed to get. In some villages there are no proper hospitals and proper schools, they are not getting any help from the officials. I hope at least now government realizes and start helping people and making their needs reached to them.
Up to the point, the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement is
absolutely
true. Nowadays, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is contributing lots of money on
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. The job of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to provide service to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
service, for which we have elected them.
Instead
, they are pairing up with the commercial and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and investing more money in their fields.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has the responsibility of taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sectors
as well
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are serving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
more than 35 years.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have more service in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are not getting their pensions and GD on time. The main reason for this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is least bothered about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they are uttermost interested in increasing their wealth.

On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
corrupted and
they are looting from the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of helping them. We could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
lots
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are facing difficulties in getting their income from higher authorities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
months. Politicians
are bound
up with business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and investing public money.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should involve and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not reaching their needs which they supposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
villages there are no proper hospitals and proper schools, they are not getting any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the officials. I hope at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
realizes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and making their needs reached to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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