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Getting a job in which you work with other people are better than getting a job in which you work alone. v.2

Getting a job in which you work with other people are better than getting a job in which you work alone. v. 2
There is a substantial number of people who are of the opinion that getting a job in which you work with other people is better than getting a job that you work alone and I personally concur with their opinion. I mention two interesting points here to support my agreement. To begin with, the most important reason is work with others causes to do the job efficiently. It means the speed is faster than someone works alone. Also, working in group increases returns because everyone has some skills which he/she is proficient in. When they are working together each one undertake the specific part of the job and concentrate on. Therefore, at the end the whole job is done in the best way. Meanwhile, if there is a weakness in some parts, it is not seen and the others' job can cover these faults. For this reason, I agree with the idea that working with others is better than working alone. The other reason can be mentioned is when people work in a group, they can strengthen their ability by learning from each other. The group working makes a chance for all to collaborate with and gain skills from each other. I remember when I worked in work group; one was responsible for typing because she was short hand typist. The other was responsible for gathering data and I represented the presentation. On that time I learned how to interview to collect related data and also how to type it fast. In sum, working with others has a lot of benefits either for participants or final job. People can learn from each other and help themselves to offer great performance. On the other hand the result of working alone even skillful person manage it, is not comparable with group working that is why I agree with working in a group.
There is a substantial number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are of the opinion that getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in which you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
better than getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone and I
personally
concur with their opinion. I mention two interesting points here to support my agreement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with others causes to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
efficiently
. It means the speed is faster than someone works alone.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
increases returns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which he/she is proficient in. When they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
together each one undertake the specific part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and concentrate on.
Therefore
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is done
in the best way. Meanwhile, if there is a weakness in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can cover these faults.
For this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with others is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
alone.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason can
be mentioned
is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, they can strengthen their ability by learning from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a chance for all to collaborate with and gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. I remember when I worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
; one was responsible for typing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she was short hand typist. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
was responsible for gathering data and I represented the presentation. On that time I learned how to interview to collect related data and
also
how to type it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with others has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits either for participants or final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can learn from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
themselves to offer great performance. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
alone even skillful person manage it, is not comparable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
that is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Getting a job in which you work with other people are better than getting a job in which you work alone. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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