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11) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

11) Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
I disagreed that playing a game is fun only when you win. I think playing is fun if i win or loose, , i have two reasons for that: First: if a group of friends playing soccer together, there will be a soul of helpful, happenies, competition, inspite if they are loose or win this the benefit of playing, my son' s friend he has no father no brothers or sisters, his mom took him to play a soccer with group of boys to let him feel that he is not alone, when they are playing together they were as a one family against other group they hoped win, they were happy if they win or be sad if they were loose. Second: i think when we loose the game i think we will be stronger, we will try to find the causes, we ' ll be a competitive to win, so it' s build our personality, we ' ll try to find the right way of successful. I remembered when i was playing with my brother a soccer game by playstation, my brother he was the winner in sevral times, i was younger than him, when i finished the game he was going to sleep, but i kept playing, i playing a lot and i tried to find what' s the wrong until i was the winner and i succed all of our friends. it was funny to me if i was the looser or if i was the winner. i ferl so happy now when i rememberd it, it was the best moments. And i apply the same strategy for my life if any one in my class succed me i keep on trying untill i succed him. but In conclusion we should enjoy playing whether we are the winner or not, by playing we will have a new friends, we will thinking a lot before we doing anything, it' s good excersise for both our body and brain we should keep playing. and it' s finally just a game, it' s not something that' s affect ourlife.
I disagreed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a game is fun
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
is fun if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
or loose,
Two consecutive commas
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have two reasons for that:

First
: if a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
soccer together, there will be a soul of helpful,
Possible spelling mistake found.
happenies
, competition,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
if they are loose or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
this the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
son&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
he has no father no brothers or sisters, his mom took him to play a soccer with group of boys to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him feel that he is not alone, when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
together they were as a one family against other group they hoped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
, they were happy if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
or be sad if they were loose.

Second:
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when we loose the game
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we will be stronger, we will try to find the causes, we ' ll be a competitive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
win
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s build our personality, we ' ll try to find the right way of successful. I remembered when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with my brother a soccer game by
Possible spelling mistake found.
playstation
, my brother he was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winner
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sevral
times,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was younger than him, when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
finished the game he was going to sleep,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a lot and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
tried to find
Possible spelling mistake found.
what&
#039; s the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
until
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winner
and i
Possible spelling mistake found.
succed
all of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
to me if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was the looser or if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winner
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
i
Possible spelling mistake found.
ferl
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when i
Possible spelling mistake found.
rememberd
it, it was the best moments. And
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
apply the same strategy for my life if
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Possible spelling mistake found.
succed
me
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on trying
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
i
Possible spelling mistake found.
succed
him.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but


In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, we".
conclusion we
should enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
whether we are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winner
or not, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
we will have a new
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "friend"?
friends
, we will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "think"
thinking
a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Did you mean "we're doing", "we are doing", or "we were doing"?
we doing
anything,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersise
for both our body and brain we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
finally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a game,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s not something
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
ourlife
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay 11) Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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