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Community Service RequirementA university education should encourage students to engage with the world around them, but I see less and less of that engagement on campus today. I propose, therefore, that the university make community service, such as worki v.1

Community Service RequirementA university education should encourage students to engage with the world around them, but I see less and less of that engagement on campus today. I propose, therefore, that the university make community service, such as worki v. 1
In today’s world, maintaining a regular workout routine has become extremely difficult. It has been observed that the working class tends to get minimal or no exercise during the week due to which they face different health-related issues. The reason behind this is a non-serious attitude towards health; this problem can be tackled by proper health awareness. In today’s competitive world, the working class has become extremely non-serious about health-related issues due to which they don’t get enough exercise. For instance, it has been observed that the majority of people often make an excuse of living a busy life. Multiple Health-Related studies have shown that people with such behaviour tend to skip the gym or morning walks even on the weekends. Furthermore, studies have also suggested that a 30-minute workout routine can easily be maintained by any working professional given that the individual takes a serious approach towards a healthy lifestyle. However, this non-serious attitude can be changed by initiating different health-awareness programs. The government can play a crucial role by introducing different healthy schemes such as TV shows related to health issues, inauguration of various sports events, and by opening multiple sports centres across the cities. Furthermore, companies can also small fitness centres within the facilities and promote a healthy and active environment by introducing different sports activities. Therefore, the above-mentioned elements can be extremely effective in changing the mindset of the people. In conclusion, with a serious attitude, it is possible to maintain a regular exercise routine. Therefore, different health-awareness programs can be introduced to change the mind-set of the working class.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, maintaining a regular workout routine has become
extremely
difficult. It has
been observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
minimal or no exercise during the week due to which they face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
health-related issues. The reason behind this is a non-serious attitude towards health; this problem can
be tackled
by proper health awareness.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
has become
extremely
non-serious about health-related issues due to which they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
exercise.
For instance
, it has
been observed
that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an excuse of living a busy life. Multiple Health-Related studies have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
tend to skip the gym or morning walks even on the weekends.
Furthermore
, studies have
also
suggested that a 30-minute workout routine can
easily
be maintained
by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the individual takes a serious approach towards a healthy lifestyle.

However
, this non-serious attitude can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by initiating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
health-awareness programs. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can play a crucial role by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
healthy schemes such as TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
related to health issues, inauguration of various sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, and by opening multiple sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
across the cities.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
within the facilities and promote a healthy and active environment by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
sports activities.
Therefore
, the above-mentioned elements can be
extremely
effective in changing the mindset of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, with a serious attitude, it is possible to maintain a regular exercise routine.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
health-awareness programs can
be introduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mind-set of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Community Service RequirementA university education should encourage students to engage with the world around them, but I see less and less of that engagement on campus today. I propose, therefore, that the university make community service, such as worki v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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