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Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far do you agree with this statement v.2

Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far v. 2
It is undeniable that everybody wants to be happy and there are many arguments what makes a person happy. Some people think that happiness can come from their family and friends, while other people believe that happiness comes from many and possessions. In my view, happiness comes both from close friends and family and also having enough money and possessions. In the one hand, everybody needs engough money to spend on accommodation, food and other necessities are less stressed and so have fewer erguments. In addition, they can plan for things like their children' s education or buying a bigger house. Furthermore, having more money can help peopleplan for the future so they have more control over their life. However, this kind of happiness often does not last because money and possessions alone cannot bring happiness. For example, children from wealthy families can be very lonely because their parents have to work all day. So, they can hardly take care of their children. It has also been proved that having a good time with friends and family bring people more happiness than a fast car or new clothes. On the other hand, poor people are not usually happy, even if they havea large families and many friends. It is not easy for people who have seriuos many problems or no change of changing their life. These factors can often cause peopleto have problems with stress and ill health and this will mean they are not able to enjoy life. Their best friends and family may be able to support them and help them by lending money, but this may lead to problems. Therefore, I agree that family and friends are important, but without a good income, they may not be enough. In conclusion, I believe that both money and possessions as well as a family and friends are significant to happiness.
It is undeniable that everybody wants to be happy and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and possessions. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
both from close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
also
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions.

In the one hand, everybody needs
Possible spelling mistake found.
engough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to spend on accommodation, food and other necessities are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
have fewer
Possible spelling mistake found.
erguments
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, they can plan for things like their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s education or buying a bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Furthermore
, having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopleplan
for the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have more control over their life.
However
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
does not last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions alone cannot bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, children from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can hardly take care of their children. It has
also
been proved
that having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
car or new clothes.

On the other hand
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
usually
happy, even if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
havea
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. It is not easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
Possible spelling mistake found.
seriuos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems or no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of changing their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
. These factors can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopleto
have problems with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and ill health and this will mean they are not able to enjoy life. Their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may be able to support them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by lending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this may lead to problems.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income, they may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

In conclusion
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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