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Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far do you agree with this statement v.1

Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far v. 1
It goes without saying that animals are the most significant part of our environment while sometimes human beings depends on those animals for couples of activities. Some people argue that using animals for experiment should be stopped as it became a criminal works. I strongly agree with the statement that this type of criminal work should be stopped. In the below paragraphs I am trying to describe some reasons related to my opinion and at the end give a clear conclusion. At the very outset of my paragraph I would like to mention that, Animals makes a balance in our environment. Since some animals directly involve for ecological balance, they are the part and parcel of the growth of our atmosphere. According to experts, from 2007 to 2015 total 27 million of monkey was being killed, for this reason we are not seeing those animals in front of the jungle. Another most crucial point would be that, Human beings are always depending on animals like Cow, Buffalo Tiger or Elephant. People sometimes use those animals for daily activities. For an example. Due to cultivation most of the farmers are using Cow. However, if those cows are used in the experiment purpose farmers will unable to cultivate the field. Last but not least, most of us like to drink milk and some people earn money by selling milk to others. Some people have different argument regarding the issue. They think animals are not a human being, so they may use for the experiment. To some extend they are right, but we should never cross the line. As because of human development animal are being used and experts are doing research work. For instance, development of new medicine and evaluate the impact of medicine researchers sometime take animal body. To sum up, it can be said that the extreme use of animals for experimental would not be accepted through the process is betterment of human being. Experts have to understand the importance of animal in our life and environment.
It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are the most significant part of our environment while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings depends on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for couples of activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for experiment should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
as it became a criminal works. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that this type of criminal work should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. In the below paragraphs I am trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons related to my opinion and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
conclusion.

At the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
outset of my paragraph I would like to mention that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a balance in our environment. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
directly
involve for ecological balance, they are the part and parcel of the growth of our atmosphere. According to experts, from 2007 to 2015 total 27 million of monkey was
being killed
,
for this reason
we are not seeing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in front of the jungle. Another most crucial point would be that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
beings are always depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like Cow, Buffalo Tiger or Elephant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for daily activities. For an example. Due to cultivation most of the farmers are using Cow.
However
, if those cows are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the experiment purpose farmers will unable to cultivate the field. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, most of us like to drink milk and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn money by selling milk to others.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
argument regarding the issue. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the experiment. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
they are right,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should never cross the line. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and experts are doing research work.
For instance
, development of new medicine and evaluate the impact of medicine researchers sometime take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
body.

To sum up, it can
be said
that the extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for experimental would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
through the process is betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being. Experts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in our life and environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions How far v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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