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Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. with this opinion? v. 2
It is argued that an extra charge should be levied over the foreign tourists who visit places of tourist attractions in a country. I completely disagree with this view. In my opinion, it would be detrimental, therefore, in this essay, I shall ponder over my argument and also suggest some alternate options to generate more revenue. To begin with, one of the reason there should not be extra charges for the foreign tourist is it will put negative impact in the mind of these foreign tourists. Tourism plays a major role in country's economy. Due to these foreign tourist foreign currency comes into our country and the nations currency grows stronger in the international market. Moreover, a number of businesses such as hotels, restaurant, transportation services run through income from these foreign tourists only. Charging extra price from them will make them feel looted and discriminated which will discourage them from visiting our country again. To generate extra income, a VIP ticket should be introduced at the places of tourist attraction with some special services so that those tourists who want to make use of these special facilities could buy this ticket. This way more revenue could be generated without making foreign tourists feel biased. To exemplify, Vaishno Devi shrine in India has a VIP ticketing system, with this ticket tourist can fly to the Vaishno Devi Valley by helicopter and can pay their visit inside the temple through a separate door, avoiding the long queue. In conclusion, I would reiterate that en cashing higher charges from the foreign tourist will be detrimental as it will discourage them from visiting again, however a special ticket system will generate more revenue without being discriminatory.
It
is argued
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
charge should
be levied
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visit places of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attractions in a country. I completely disagree with this view. In my opinion, it would be detrimental,
therefore
, in this essay, I shall ponder over my argument and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternate options to generate more revenue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the reason there should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
charges for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
is it will put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in the mind of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Tourism plays a major role in country's economy. Due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
currency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
into our country and the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
currency grows stronger in the international market.
Moreover
, a number of businesses such as hotels, restaurant, transportation services run through income from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
price from them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel looted and discriminated which will discourage them from visiting our country again.

To generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
income, a VIP
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
should
be introduced
at the places of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attraction with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these special facilities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
. This way more revenue could
be generated
without making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
feel biased. To exemplify,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vaishno
Devi shrine in India has a VIP ticketing system, with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
can
fly
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vaishno
Devi Valley by helicopter and can pay their visit inside the temple through a separate door, avoiding the long queue.

In conclusion
, I would reiterate that en cashing higher charges from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
will be detrimental as it will discourage them from visiting again,
however
a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
system will generate more revenue without being discriminatory.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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