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Foreign visitors should pay more money than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. v.2

Foreign visitors should pay more money than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. v. 2
There is certainly no shadow of doubt that every nation is proud of its historical values created over long period of time. Therefore, they create cultural and historical attractions to make their merits known to the world and attract other nations’ attention. However, the question is whether such kind of attractions should be of the same cost for both local people and visitors? Though there are various ideas and perceptions over this topic, I am definitely of the opinion that all cultural and historical attractions should be available and affordable for anyone, regardless the nationality and status. I will explore the most discernible reasons for my viewpoint in the subsequent body paragraphs. To commence with, higher price of historical attractions will discourage a lot of tourists from visiting that country. It goes without saying that visitors first consider the total cost that will back on them from visiting a particular country and strive to find affordable ways. Consequently, as one of the main goals of visiting a country is to be introduced to its historical and cultural merits, the high prices of such attractions will not be very appealing to them. This, in turn, will lead to the decrease in the number of tourists, which will indubitably cause a great harm to the country’s budget. In addition, we can simply imply that high prices of these attractions, that are not alluring to the tourists, will do a lot of harm to the country, by making it little known to the world. In other words, the less tourists are visiting a particular country, the less it is exposed and known to the world. My country is a compelling example of this. Though Armenia includes a tiny area in the frame of the whole world, it is well known worldwide with its history and culture. This is mainly because of the fact that every year the number of tourists is increasing at an exponential rate. Due to the facts that Armenia is endowed with immense historical and cultural legacy and provides affordable museums, guides and historical attractions it is a very desirable place to visit. In this way, my country gives its tourist the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I can surely declare that increasing the costs of historical attractions will be of no benefit for any country and will bring a lot of problems to it.
There is
certainly
no shadow of doubt that every nation is proud of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
values created over long period of time.
Therefore
, they create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their merits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and attract other nations’ attention.
However
, the question is whether such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
should be of the same cost for both local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and visitors? Though there are various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and perceptions over this topic, I am definitely of the opinion that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
should be available and affordable for anyone, regardless the nationality and status. I will explore the most discernible reasons for my viewpoint in the subsequent body paragraphs.

To commence with, higher price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
will discourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from visiting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It goes without saying that visitors
first
consider the total cost that will back on them from visiting a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and strive to find affordable ways.
Consequently
, as one of the main goals of visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is to
be introduced
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
merits, the high prices of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
appealing to them. This, in turn, will lead to the decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, which will
indubitably
cause a great harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
budget.

In addition
, we can
simply
imply that high prices of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
, that are not alluring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, will do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, by making it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
In other words
, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun tourists is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are visiting a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the less it
is exposed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a compelling example of this. Though Armenia includes a tiny area in the frame of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it is well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
known
worldwide with its history and culture. This is
mainly
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
every year the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
is increasing at an exponential rate. Due to the facts that Armenia
is endowed
with immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
legacy and provides affordable museums, guides and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
desirable place to visit. In this way, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gives its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I can
surely
declare that increasing the costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attractions
will be of no benefit for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems to it.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Foreign visitors should pay more money than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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