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For success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v.2

For success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2
“The best way to succeed is knowing successful people”; my teacher told when I was in high school. This comes true for fulfilling prosperity in a future job. Although, for some, the best way is to relate well to people since majority of bosses see the appearance of their staff, for others, appearance will not be enough for success; they require studying hard in school to provide ample knowledge for entrance to job environment. By comparison, how can recognize the best perspective? For judging, in my opinion, the former is more accentuated in comparison with the latter due to annexing the whole communities as a national network and increasing face-to-face interviews for evaluating person’s qualities. To begin with, the most significant feature of today’s societies is their possessions of various connection instruments for annexing different communities. In such condition, studying hard in school does not help so much. Various students should learn how to prepare themselves for entering all connected communities. “When I was in high school, I always solved tough mathematics problems; however, when I entered to job market, working through that connected network was so hard to such a point that other abilities such as communication skills, social relationships are superior to high knowledge in one specific field”; my friend explained about first years of his job experience. “Some time you think all while you don’t know nothing” (Dickens 103). Additionally, interviews that once was thought to characterize like oral tests its existence turns out an unavoidable of job selections. Especially face-to-face interview influence of companies’ agent for selecting new human force. My friend defined from his first job interviews: “When I opened the door, I saw panels stared at me; I had to control my feeling to attract their attention, had to present my abilities much more than they are, and had to exaggerate my qualities; otherwise, they did not heed me at all”. “Sometime hypocrisy bring you forward” (Niche 87) All in all, I contended that connecting the whole communities and interviewing face-to-face with interviewers are two factor that make how to relate well to people superior to studying hard. If students look at the situation of social persons in comparison with hard-up ones, they will understand the truth of such taking side.
“The best way to succeed
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is knowing
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
”; my teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
when I was in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true for fulfilling prosperity in a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, the best way is to relate well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
bosses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the appearance of their staff, for others, appearance will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for success; they require studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to provide ample knowledge for entrance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment. By comparison, how can recognize the best perspective? For judging, in my opinion, the former is more accentuated
in comparison
with the latter due to annexing the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
as a national network and increasing face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
for evaluating person’s qualities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most significant feature of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s societies is their possessions of various connection instruments for annexing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. In such condition, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Various students should learn how to prepare themselves for entering all connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. “When I was in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I always solved tough mathematics problems;
however
, when I entered to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market, working through that connected network was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to such a point that other abilities such as communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, social relationships are superior to high knowledge in one specific field”; my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
about
first
years of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience. “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
time you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
all while you don’
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
t know nothing
” (Dickens 103).

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
that once was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to characterize like oral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
its existence turns out
The phrase 'an unavoidable of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an unavoidable of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
selections.
Especially
face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
influence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’ agent for selecting new human force. My friend defined from his
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interviews
: “When I opened the door, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
panels stared at me; I had to control my feeling to attract their attention, had to present my abilities much more than they are, and had to exaggerate my qualities;
otherwise
, they did not heed me at all”. “Sometime hypocrisy bring you forward” (Niche 87)

All in all, I contended that connecting the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and interviewing face-to-face with interviewers are two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'factor' seems to be countable, so consider using: "factors".
factor
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
how to relate well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
superior to studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. If students look at the situation of social persons
in comparison
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-up ones, they will understand the truth of such taking side.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay For success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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