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TPO 10- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
Our world is changing rapidly and all human experience a huge improvement and advancement in several fields of engineering and science. In this century, with the development of the cutting-edge technology in the computer field, many new aspects of the computers absorb people, especially youngsters. When it comes to computer games, controversy surrounds the issue of whether parents should exercise control over their kids or they should ban their children? I am of the opinion that these video games have some detrimental effects on kids and parents should monitor their kids and the following explanations will further elaborate on this matter. One of the most interesting aspects of the ongoing topic which needs to be reflected is that young people by playing video games waste their valuable time instead of doing their class assignments. As a matter of fact, they play games to pass their time because they believe that they have nothing interesting going on at the moment. Therefore, it is easy for them to get stuck in that rut. Take my cousin' s son for instance. He spends most of his time in front of the TV by playing XBOX. He has been glued all the times to the games even for more than 8 hours. Consequently, he is not able to work on his lessons, so he will definitely fail in the final exams. Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing topic which demands a keen contemplation is that playing for many hours may have some harmful impacts on the health of the children. In essence, people need to move or even do exercise to burn their fat and if they sit for more than a given amount they may get serious diseases. This fact should be highlighted when it comes to young people, because their organs need to grow and this just can be achieved by their physical activities. To illustrate, perhaps my own experience can shed more light on this matter. When I was in the elementary school, I tend to play some interesting games like WAR CRAFT. Likewise, There was nothing important going on for me in life and these games gave me the feeling of doing something important and worthy of my time. Therefore, I gained a lot of weight just because of wasting my time without doing exercise or moving. Paradoxically, young people can expand their horizons by playing some video games. Today, games can help kids to improve their knowledge and also shape their thought. In fact, computer game makers have changed their works content to satisfy both parents and the government. On the basis of the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are many tangible reasons for restricting children to play video games, because youngsters may waste their time, and also their health may be affected negatively by not moving and playing for several hours in front of TV. Meanwhile, young people' s outlook may be expanded by playing some video games.
Our world is changing
rapidly
and all human experience a huge improvement and advancement in several fields of engineering and science. In this century, with the development of the cutting-edge technology in the computer field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new aspects of the computers absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youngsters. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, controversy surrounds the issue of whether parents should exercise control over their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids or
they should ban their children? I am of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and parents should monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and the following explanations will
further
elaborate on this matter.

One of the most interesting aspects of the ongoing topic which needs to
be reflected
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
waste their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
instead
of doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
assignments. As a matter of fact, they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to pass their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that they have nothing interesting going on at the moment.
Therefore
, it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in that rut. Take my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cousin&
#039; s son
for instance
. He spends most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the TV by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
XBOX. He has
been glued
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
even for more than 8 hours.
Consequently
, he is not able to work on his lessons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he will definitely fail in the final exams.

Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing topic which demands a keen contemplation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful impacts on the health of the children. In essence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
or even do exercise to burn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and if they sit for more than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
amount they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
serious diseases. This fact should
be highlighted
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their organs need to grow and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
be achieved
by their physical activities. To illustrate, perhaps my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience can shed more light on this matter. When I was in the elementary school, I tend to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like WAR CRAFT.
Likewise
, There was nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
going on for me in life and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
gave me the feeling of doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and worthy of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, I gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of wasting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without doing exercise or moving.

Paradoxically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can expand their horizons by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and
also
shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. In fact, computer game makers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their works content to satisfy both parents and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the basis of the points mentioned above, I am pretty convinced that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tangible reasons for restricting children to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters may waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and
also
their health may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by not moving and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for several hours in front of TV. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s outlook may
be expanded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 10- Playing computer games is a waste of time. Children should not be allowed to play them. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
494 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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