Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

For success in a future job, the abilities to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. agree or disagree. tpo21 v.1

For success in a future job, the abilities to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. agree or disagree. tpo21 v. 1
It is sometimes argued that people have to experience some difficulties in enjoying their hobbies. While reasons can be given to justify this, I personally believe that pastimes should be easily found enjoyable. On the one hand, there are several reasons why hobbies need to be enjoyed with difficulty. A possible reason is that encountering obstacles to obtain desired outcomes may bring a sense of achievement to people when they enjoy their leisure pursuits. For example, when playing computer games, players are motivated by new targets and frequent rewards, which they receive when progress through the hard levels of a game. There is no doubt that play time is just as beneficial as working time from a health perspective. On the other hand, it is my belief that activities that people are interested in should be engaged in with enjoyment. First, spending time on hobbies is considered a great form of entertainment that offers people enormous pleasure after nerve-racking hours at work. Admittedly, the working day is already long enough, and this leaves people too tired to meet new challenges coming from their interests that are supposed to be delightful. Second, hobbies that are hard to be pleasurable may prevent people from realizing their interests. Clearly, it would make it impossible for a person to enjoy a sport game if he or she is put under an undue strain when taking part in. In conclusion, it seems to me that hobbies may need to be challenging to some extent, but I would claim that there is no need to make them difficult to enjoy.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. While reasons can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to justify this, I
personally
believe that pastimes should be
easily
found enjoyable.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
need to
be enjoyed
with difficulty. A possible reason is that encountering obstacles to obtain desired outcomes may bring a sense of achievement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they enjoy their leisure pursuits.
For example
, when playing computer games, players
are motivated
by new targets and frequent rewards, which they receive when progress through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
levels of a game. There is no doubt that play time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as beneficial as working time from a health perspective.

On the other hand
, it is my belief that activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in should
be engaged
in with enjoyment.
First
, spending time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
is considered
a great form of entertainment that offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enormous pleasure after nerve-racking hours at work.
Admittedly
, the working day is already long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too tired to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new challenges coming from their interests that
are supposed
to be delightful. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be pleasurable may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from realizing their interests.
Clearly
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible for a person to enjoy a sport game if he or she
is put
under an undue strain when taking part in.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
may need to be challenging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would claim that there is no need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them difficult to enjoy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay For success in a future job, the abilities to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. agree or disagree. tpo21 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts