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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v.238

Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 238
Recently, the government has stated that civil servants aged 60 years and above are allowed to retire. The majority of the people mentioned that the government should provide the necessary needs for the retiree to live comfortably at old age, whereas others claimed that it is a burden for the government, and they should able to take care of their essential needs. In this essay both of the views will be discussed. For a few decades, research shows that there will be a higher number of older generations than the young in the future thanks to the medical enhancement. Therefore, there is a conceal doubt in people’s mind as taxpayers need to pay money for the well beings of the growing number of elderlies. The retiree needs to support their living expense and it may not be such a bad idea. They are still able to contribute their knowledge and skills to the society and lessen the grief of the taxpayers. In addition to that, they will feel younger again as it stimulates their mind preventing them from becoming senile. For instance, Dr. Mahathir Mohammad held the position as the Prime Minister of Malaysia despite of being 93 years old and being youthful as a young adult. However, there are some notion that it is the person’s right for the higher authority to support them as they used to be the main power source to the country’s economy. Giving them incentives and create a university for older people are ways to show their token of appreciation for their hard work. Furthermore, health care facility benefits must be given to them as they are prone to illness at that age. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is better for the retiree to make efforts for their living and higher authority give the boost they need to make a better living
Recently, the
government
has stated that civil servants aged 60 years and above are
allowed
to retire. The majority of the
people
mentioned that the
government
should provide the necessary
needs
for the retiree to
live
comfortably
at
old
age, whereas others claimed that it is a burden for the
government
, and they
should able
to take care of their essential
needs
. In this essay both of the views will
be discussed
.

For a few decades, research
shows
that there will be a higher number of older generations than the young in the future thanks to the medical enhancement.
Therefore
, there is a
conceal
doubt in
people
’s mind as taxpayers
need
to pay money for the well beings of the growing number of
elderlies
. The retiree
needs
to support their living expense and it may not be such a
bad
idea
. They are
still
able to contribute their knowledge and
skills
to the society and lessen the grief of the taxpayers.
In addition
to that, they will feel younger again as it stimulates their mind preventing them from becoming senile.
For instance
, Dr.
Mahathir
Mohammad held the position as the Prime Minister of Malaysia
despite of
being 93 years
old
and being youthful as a young adult.

However
, there are
some
notion
that it is the person’s right for the higher authority to support them as they
used
to be the main power source to the country’s economy. Giving them incentives and create a university for older
people
are ways to
show
their token of appreciation for their
hard
work.
Furthermore
, health care facility benefits
must
be
given
to them as they are prone to illness at that age.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, it is better for the retiree to
make
efforts for their living and higher authority give the boost they
need
to
make
a better living
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 238

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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