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TPO21 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Job influences our live greatly. It has a great impact on our overall well-being as it has direct impact on our lives. Therefore, I disagrees that for success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. This is due to the fact that studying hard make us well-informed, more qualified, and allow us to gain good reputation. To begin with, working and studying hard give people better chance to become successful in their jobs in the future because they can be more informed. In fact, the more study students do in schools, the more easier they solve problems because understating and repeating studying the subjects over and over it become as logic to them. So, the can solve any problem a blink of an eye. For example, when a group of students are interested to become mechanical engineers, it is better for them to start studying physics in more depth in school and universities so they absorb the material more and become easier for them to understand the workflow in the future. Moreover, studying hard can make students more independent as worker in the future because they have fewer questions to ask for their supervisors. Thus, they can succeed in their future lives. Another reason I think this is the optimal means is students can be more qualified by staying hard. Indeed, having good GPA indicates that these students are good candidates because it show that they can commit to their assigned jobs. For instance, most of the big companies have certain GPA people have to have in order to be considered as candidates to work with them. Furthermore, studying hard in school can give people better chance to gain good reputation because they can get good standing letters from their professors. Consequently, they can have better job offers, which allow them to succeed in the future. For the aforementioned reasons, I genuinely believe that studying hard in schools is more important to be successful in the future. Hopefully, more parents and administrators encourage their students to but more efforts on studying to gain better chances for them to succeed in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
influences our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
greatly
. It has a great impact on our
overall
well-being as it has direct impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "disagree"
disagrees
that for success in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the ability to relate well to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us well-informed, more qualified, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reputation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, working and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be more informed. In fact, the more study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
they solve problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
understating and repeating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
the subjects over and over it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
as logic to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the can solve any problem a blink of an eye.
For example
, when a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
mechanical engineers, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
physics in more depth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they absorb the material more and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
easier for them to understand the workflow in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more independent as worker in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have fewer questions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
their supervisors.
Thus
, they can succeed in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Another reason I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is the optimal means is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be more qualified by staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
Indeed
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
GPA indicates that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
candidates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "shows"?
show
that they can commit to their assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have certain GPA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have in order to
be considered
as candidates to work with them.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reputation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
standing letters from their professors.
Consequently
, they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to succeed in the future.

For the aforementioned reasons, I
genuinely
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be successful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Hopefully
, more parents and administrators encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more efforts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chances for them to succeed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO21 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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