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For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. v. 2
Thesedays, commercials are the most popular source of airing the products on t. v. Some people have an opinion that adverts have a positive impact on society, where other people have opposite viewpoint. However, I believe commercials on tv are for people to upgrade in different ways. Further, it depends on people how they get influenced by it. Various factors prove that advertisements can have certain results on people. Firstly, the commercials are becoming a favorite source of gaining financial knowledge, which can help in increasing the economic growth of the country as well as an individual. For example, today, most banking institutes advertised on tv about their financial products among the people, which as a result attract people interested in them. Hence commercials through the tv directly reach to their customers. Secondly, the commercial is the best way to know different type of products, places, educational institutions and many more. That show people can keep themselves updated all the time by sitting under one roof. On the other hand, some people have thoughts that advertisements can adverse effects on a community. First and foremost, sometimes people felt because of the inappropriate content is shown on tv can be harmful to youngsters. For example, data shows that youngsters get influenced by advertisements and made them eager to follow them, as a result, they lead on wrong paths. For example, smoking is becoming the most common thing among youngster to flaunt in their group. Moreover, People get attracted towards such kind of products because of fancy way of advertisements, which do not have worth for them. Also, that can lead to many severe problems such as skin problems, hair loss and many more. In conclusion, advertisements shown on tv can have both the positive and negative impact on their lives. However, I believe it' s every person perspective how they opt commercial media in their lives.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thesedays
, commercials are the most popular source of airing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on t. v.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that adverts have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society, where other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opposite viewpoint.
However
, I believe commercials on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
are for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to upgrade in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
Further
, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by it.

Various factors prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can have certain results on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, the commercials are becoming a favorite source of gaining financial knowledge, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in increasing the economic growth of the country
as well
as an individual.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, most banking institutes advertised on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
about their financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which
as a result
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interested in them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
commercials through the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
directly
reach to their customers.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
is the best way to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, places, educational institutions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves updated all the time by sitting under one roof.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have thoughts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can adverse effects on a community.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inappropriate content
is shown
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
can be harmful to youngsters.
For example
, data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and made them eager to follow them,
as a result
, they lead on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
paths.
For example
, smoking is becoming the most common thing among youngster to flaunt in their group.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted towards such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fancy way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, which do not have worth for them.
Also
, that can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
severe problems such as skin problems, hair loss and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
shown on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
can have both the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, I believe
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s every person perspective how they opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
media in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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