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For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. v. 1
Nowadays, people tend to go aboard for their vacations due to that travelling by plane has become more affordable under the help of modern technology; therefore, tourism is booming in many countries worldwide. Meanwhile, visitors also cause the harmful impacts on local communities. I personally support that these negative impacts should be assessed in order to protect local residents and guarantee the quality of tourism services. To start with, it is a fact that tourists could disturb local residents daily life activities, even though they create revenue incomes for local governments. Local entertainment activities and festival events hold to attract more visitors will create some inconvenience to local residents in many ways.   For example, vehicles hired for visitors will lead to traffic congestion. The festival activities will cause traffic jams and chaos in the streets as well. Moreover, local native resources will be redistributed to meet the demand of visitors, which will result in higher prices or shortage for local residents. In addition, increasing visitors in many countries may lead to many illegal activities in local communities. For example, with the increasing night shows in bars, substance use and crime rate may surge up in the regions. Furthermore, local residents will be influenced by the novel ideas brought by visitors, which may lead to their personal valves change as well. Local residents, especially the youth, might pick up harmful habits from visitors, such as substance use,  or smoking. In summary, tourism will contribute to the local economy; however, it also disturbs local residents' traditional daily lives due to their activities. Without strict guidelines,   visitors may also create many potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours there.  Therefore, I support that  local governments should provide safety instruction for visitors and assist tourism companies to establish the right agenda for visitors to follow.
Nowadays,
people
tend to go aboard for their vacations due to that travelling by
plane
has become more affordable under the
help
of modern technology;
therefore
,
tourism
is booming in
many
countries worldwide. Meanwhile,
visitors
also
cause the harmful impacts on
local
communities. I
personally
support that these
negative
impacts should 
be assessed
in order to protect
local
residents
and guarantee the quality of
tourism
services.

To
start
with, it is a fact that tourists could disturb
local
residents
daily life
activities
,
even though
they create revenue incomes for
local
governments
.
Local
entertainment
activities
and festival 
events
hold to attract more
visitors
will create
some
inconvenience to local
residents
in
many
ways.
  
For example
, vehicles hired for
visitors
will lead to traffic congestion. The festival
activities
will cause traffic jams and chaos in the streets
as well
.
Moreover
,
local
native resources will
be redistributed
to
meet
the demand of
visitors
, which will result in higher prices or shortage for
local
residents.

In addition
, increasing
visitors
in
many
countries may lead to 
many
illegal
activities
in
local
communities.
For example
, with the increasing night
shows
in bars, substance
use
 and crime rate may surge up in the regions.
Furthermore
,
local
residents
will
be influenced
by the novel
ideas
brought by
visitors
, which may lead to their personal valves
change
as well
.
Local
residents
,
especially
the youth, might pick up harmful habits from
visitors
, such as substance
use
,
 
or smoking.

In summary,
tourism
will contribute to the
local
economy;
however
, it
also
disturbs
local
residents' traditional daily
lives
due to their
activities
. Without strict guidelines,
  visitors
may
also
create
many
potential illegal issues when they enjoy their happy hours there.  
Therefore
, I support that
  
local
governments
should provide safety instruction for
visitors
and assist
tourism
companies
to establish the right agenda for
visitors
to follow.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay For Some people TV advertisements are considered good for society while other consider them bad. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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