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For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v.4

For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 4
Nowadays in this busy world where everybody is busy with something, schools, jobs, business, etc. , finding some free days to relax and going to holidays is like drinking a cold glass of water when you are dying of thirst in a desert. Our body and brain need to relax once in a while in order to work and function properly and non-stop working can be detrimental to them. Some people prefer to stay at home and do their overdue tasks, while others like to get out of their daily routines and go away and set theirs mind free from daily concerns. Which one is the best one? I am personally a fan of going away on holidays and when I find some days when I get free, even for a short time, I prefer to travel and get away from my daily life. In my opinion advantages of going away are numerous. Likewise, our body which needs different types of food, vitamins, drinks etc. to function correctly, our brain also needs energy supply. It needs to go through a "relaxing cycle" to be able to work effectively and properly. Research shows that our brain has a limited capacity to receive and save information in a certain period of time. For instance, if you are learning a language, your brain uses the night sleep cycle to process the information received during the day and store them. Without the night-sleep, you will not be able to learn new things. This "relaxing cycle" works similar to the night-sleeps and gives our brain the chance to "restart" and process better in the upcoming activities. When you go away your brain gets the opportunity to think about something else than what it had done all the time. You can relax and set your mind free, listen to music and enjoy. On the other side, when you stay at home at holidays and force your brain to do the same things it has been doing all the time, it´s like working day and night without sleep and the chance of "brain collapse" and mental diseases are huge. To sum up, overloading our brain with multiple tasks continuously is like driving a car for a long distance without fuel supply. The brain stops working after a while like a car stops driving. Therefore it is important to let the brain relax and recharge by going away from home.
Nowadays in this busy world where everybody is busy with something, schools, jobs, business, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
days to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
and going to holidays is like drinking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
glass of water when you are dying of thirst in a desert. Our body and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
once in a while in order to work and function
properly
and non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working can be detrimental to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to stay at home and do their overdue tasks, while others like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their daily routines and go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
and set theirs mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
from daily concerns. Which one is the best one?

I am
personally
a fan of going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
on holidays and when I find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, even for a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I prefer to travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from my daily life. In my opinion advantages of going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
are numerous.
Likewise
, our body which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of food, vitamins, drinks etc. to function
correctly
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
energy supply. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to go through a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
relaxing cycle
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
to be able to work
effectively
and
properly
. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
has a limited capacity to receive and save information in a certain period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, if you are learning a language, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the night sleep cycle to process the information received during the day and store them. Without the night-sleep, you will not be able to learn new things. This
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
relaxing cycle
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
works similar to the night-sleeps and gives our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
the chance to
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
restart
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and process better in the upcoming activities.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
you go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about something
Use "(else)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
else
than what it had done all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. You can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
and set your mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, listen to music and enjoy. On the other side, when you stay at home at holidays and force your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
to do the same things it has been doing all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "it's" or "it’s".
it´s
like working day and night without sleep and the chance of
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
brain collapse
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and mental diseases are huge.

To sum up, overloading our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
with multiple tasks
continuously
is like driving a car for a long distance without fuel supply. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
working after a while like a car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
driving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relax
and recharge by going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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