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For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant ex… v.1

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? 1
Time is changing and so are the favourite pastimes of youngsters. Nowadays, most of the youngsters spent their free time roaming in malls shopping. This trend can be ascribed to a number of reasons and it must be addressed by definite actions which will be discussed in following paragraphs. Firstly, we will discussed the reasons behind this upcoming trend. The ever changing fashion trends and latest technology are the main reasons for this change. Another clear reason is, desire to show off in front of their friends. For example, whenever a new movie is released, youngsters try to imitate their favourite icon and try to behave and dress up like them. Even adults nowadays, spent lot of time shopping in order to flaunt their status. They need to understand that they should not waste their hard earned money and should do something more productive. Secondly, we will discuss solutions for this problem. A number of strong measures must be implicated to tackle this problem. One feasible solution is youngsters need to understand that they are wasting their precious time and energy on not so important things. Instead, they should participate in more valuable activities and spend their time in helping those who are not so privileged. For example, they can spend their free time in teaching children from slum areas and organising yoga and meditation classes for those in need. Also, parents play an important role in upbringing of their children. They should help their children in joining other activities like aerobics, gymnastics and many more which are good for their mind and body too. To conclude, youngsters are assets of one country and they should behave more responsibly towards their nation. They should spend their time more effectively and efficiently. They can join hands to form authorities and tackle any problem prevailing in the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is changing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
pastimes of youngsters. Nowadays, most of the youngsters spent their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
roaming in malls shopping. This trend can
be ascribed
to a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be addressed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
actions which will
be discussed
in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, we will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "discuss"
discussed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this upcoming trend. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever changing
fashion trends and latest technology are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is, desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off in front of their friends.
For example
, whenever a new movie
is released
, youngsters try to imitate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
icon and try to behave and dress up like them. Even adults nowadays, spent
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
shopping in order to flaunt their status. They need to understand that they should not waste their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money and should do something more productive.

Secondly
, we will discuss solutions for this problem. A number of strong measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implicated
to tackle this problem. One feasible solution is youngsters need to understand that they are wasting their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy on not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.
Instead
, they should participate in more valuable activities and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in helping those who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
privileged.
For example
, they can spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in teaching children from slum areas and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
yoga and meditation classes for those in need.
Also
, parents play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in upbringing of their children. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children in joining other activities like aerobics, gymnastics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their mind and body too.

To conclude
, youngsters are assets of one
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they should behave more
responsibly
towards their nation. They should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
effectively
and
efficiently
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands to form authorities and tackle any problem prevailing in the country.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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