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For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.2

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? v. 2
Nowadays, Shopping is a significant activity for many young people to spend time with friends, family or individually. Some people think that young people should do different activities rather than shopping in their free time. This essay will examine why many young people are passionate about shopping. Firstly, fashion is a massive trend for young people these days. What they wear or have is becoming the tool to show their status. I believe that social networks such as instagram, facebook or snap chat influence this phenomenon. Especially because seeing young people check those social networks hourly or even every second to see what their friends do or to what they do? , and they tend to judge their value. On the other hand, shopping is a great way to spend time with friends, family or individually. As I mentioned, most people are spending their times on social networks. Considering that, the shopping activity helps for people to stop the habit and, spend time with friends and family in person. For example, when I was a student, we used to go to the shopping mall to hang out with friends after school. Even though we did not have much money to spend, although we walked around the mall together and had conversations which are still memorable. However, some people think that young people should do different activities such as swimming, playing tennis or any other sport. Personally I believe, they may be valuable for young people to develop physical skills or maintain their health rather than going shopping. In conclusion, young people gain confidence and social skills on from shopping, on the other hand, sports activities need to be considered to maintain their health. In order to keep this balance, young people should be encouraged to do both activities.
Nowadays,
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Shopping
is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, family or
individually
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will examine why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are passionate about shopping.

Firstly
, fashion is a massive trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days. What they wear or have is becoming the tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their status. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
or snap chat influence this phenomenon.
Especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks hourly or even every second to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
do or to what they do?
Loose punctuation mark.
,
and they tend to judge their value.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a great way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, family or
individually
. As I mentioned, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks. Considering that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the habit and,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family in person.
For example
, when I was a student, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall to hang out with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
after school.
Even though
we did not have much money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
, although we walked around the mall together and had conversations which are
still
memorable.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as swimming, playing tennis or any other sport.
Personally
I believe, they may be valuable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or maintain their health
rather
than going shopping.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
on the other hand
, sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
need to
be considered
to maintain their health. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this balance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to do both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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