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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v.1

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 1
It is argued that obesity is rising up in youngsters because of that there are many issues related to their health and healthcare cost by the time the get adult. The major cause of this issue is lifestyle of children and the most significant solution for getting rid of obesity is awareness campaigns. The principle cause associated with the rising number of chubbiness is living style. The technological advancement makes youngsters too lazy by giving them all the things on hand in a very easy way. As a result, they tend to become fat easily with no hard work. For example, 70% of young generation would like to play indoor games such as X-box, Playstation instead of outdoor games in the USA. However, to tackle this problem the government should launch public awareness campaigns in the media and schools to educate adolescents about the danger issues of becoming overweight. An awareness campaign could shed some light on this difficult situation and help them to change their habits. For instance, a similar initiative in Japan resulted significant fall in the obesity ratio in the following year. In conclusion, Increment of weight in children is because of lazy lifestyle, however, it can be addressed through educating youngsters about the dangers. It is recommended that the government will soon take responsibility because the future of the nation depends on the young generation.
It
is argued
that obesity is rising up in youngsters
because
of that there are
many
issues related to their health and healthcare cost by the time the
get
adult. The major cause of this issue is lifestyle of children and the most significant solution for getting rid of obesity is awareness campaigns.

The
principle
cause associated with the rising number of chubbiness is living style.
The
technological advancement
makes
youngsters too lazy by giving them all the things on hand in a
very
easy way.
As a result
, they tend to become
fat
easily
with no
hard
work.
For example
, 70% of young generation would like to play indoor games such as X-box,
Playstation
instead
of outdoor games in the USA.

However
, to tackle this problem the
government
should launch public awareness campaigns in the media and schools to educate adolescents about the
danger
issues of becoming overweight. An awareness campaign could shed
some
light on this difficult situation and
help
them to
change
their habits.
For instance
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted significant fall in the obesity ratio in the following year.

In conclusion
, Increment of weight in children is
because
of lazy lifestyle,
however
, it can
be addressed
through educating youngsters about the
dangers
. It
is recommended
that the
government
will
soon
take responsibility
because
the future of the nation depends on the young generation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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