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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 5
Acquiring a better amount of revenue is an integral part of common people for this, they really work hard. I firmly agree with this view due to some reasons which will discuss this essay. It is true that the majority of people consider as a family is an important part of their personal life. In order to support the members of the family, they need to spend their quality time at the office or farm field. For example, it is commonly seen that today, a huge number of people in my country do extra hours because of avoiding the financial burden at home. Therefore, some of them even are forced to work more and more for sound family life as expenditure on families are not as small as compared to the past. Another justification is that some people certainly work hard for a comfortable and luxuries life. In fact, such kind of people really gives more importance to social life for enjoyment and pleasure so they work hard on it too. To cite an example, numerous people nowadays spend their holidays on some well-known foreign countries such as the USA, Australia and so on where they often stay in star hotels as well as restaurants. Thus, this makes it clear that the reasons for earning money hardly in ones daily life. To sum up, earning money is an indispensable part of the human being which spend on purposes. Some use their income for daily survival, whereas others utilize it for a massive enjoyment
Acquiring a better amount of revenue is an integral part of common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for this, they
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which will discuss this essay.

It is true that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In order to support the members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they need to spend their quality time at the office or farm field.
For example
, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country do extra hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of avoiding the financial burden at home.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them even
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more and more for sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
as compared to the past.

Another justification is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a comfortable and luxuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In fact, such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
gives more importance to social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for enjoyment and pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on it too. To cite an example, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays spend their holidays on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known foreign countries such as the USA, Australia and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stay in star hotels
as well
as restaurants.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the reasons for earning money hardly in ones daily life.

To sum up, earning money is an indispensable part of the human being which spend on purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their income for daily survival, whereas others utilize it for a massive
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
enjoyment
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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