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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.4

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 4
Life is changing, load of duties towards people is increasing, leading people to work hard to make extra money to survive in this world. Some people agree and disagree with the idea, that there are reasons why people work hard to earn money. On one hand, most people these days try their best to work more, to make a lot of money and some agree with it. First, they work hard to support their families provide their needs and expenses. Second, young people start their jobs early, to save money to enjoy their time by traveling or spending money on vacations and activities. Moreover, a number of people in many countries, work hard to earn a lot of money, to buy house, have a family and take care of it, addition to secure a good future for them. For example, I started working at age of 15, to earn and save money to have all my needs and be a dependent person. From my side I agree and believe; to be a successful person in this life you must work hard be brave. On the other hand, some people think the opposite and disagree that they must work and tired themselves to earn money. First, people believe that they need to live a normal life, without difficulties and harming their health, for not taking a break to enjoy the moment. Second, money for some human being isn’t everything, they prefer to do their job and spend their free time with family, friends and be happy. However, some rich people, wish if they can live the same way as all people and give their time to their family and live each day by day. For example, one of my friends, all he cares about is to be next to his kids and wife more than money, he is satisfied about what he’s doing. In my opinion I disagree, where men can control and schedule his life and enjoy every period equally. In conclusion, humans agree and disagree with the idea they must work hard to make money. In my opinion, to be a man with achievement, you can succeed in working hard, making money, and enjoy your life with your beloved.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is changing, load of duties towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
increasing, leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to survive in this world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, that there are reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
money.

On one hand, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days try their best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with it.
First
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
provide their needs and expenses. Second, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their jobs early, to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their time by traveling or spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on vacations and activities.
Moreover
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and take care of it, addition to secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future for them.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working at age of 15, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to have all my needs and be a dependent person. From my side I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
and believe; to be a successful person in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
be brave.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and tired themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, without difficulties and harming their health, for not taking a break to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the moment. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
human being isn’t everything, they prefer to do their job and spend their free time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, friends and be happy.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, wish if they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the same way as all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and give their time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
each day by day.
For example
, one of my friends, all he cares about is to be
next
to his kids and wife more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he
is satisfied
about what he’s doing. In my opinion I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can control and schedule his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
every period
equally
.

In conclusion
, humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disagree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with achievement, you can succeed in working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with your beloved.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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