Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree? v.10

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 10
The 20th century has witnessed phenomena like the IT or industrial revolution, whereas the education system is still evolving and trying to catch with the upcoming technological trends. The teaching methods and subjects have still not changed much, over the last few years. Some of the critics assert that we should continue with the traditional education system, while I completely agree to revamp the present academic system and add a new subject, to, sharpen the skill set of the new graduates. The essay will outline the benefits of adding, a new class of subjects and will end with a conclusion. Firstly, since, the curriculum adopted in the educational institutes has still not changed much in the last few years, so the fresh graduates find it difficult to get a job in the market. In other words, employers do not want to spend their time and money on imparting trainings to the freshers, as they are looking for candidates who already possess some skill sets to start the work from the very first day of their office. The University of New York, For instance, published a placement report for the year 2019, and it was clear that students with good expertise in computer languages were offered jobs by the visiting companies. Moreover, medical science is also using computer-driven machines to do complex operations, thereby making it a compulsive for the doctors to have a stronghold on the computers. Secondly, because, nowadays, any sector be it IT, factories or government departments, every process is controlled by computers, so it is mandatory to have some knowledge of computers. For example, recently the Mines authority of South Africa purchased 2000 robots from Robot India Limited for mining purpose, which means even the mining operations are to be done by computer operated robots. Furthermore, the new opportunities are coming in the fields, namely, artificial intelligence, python and cloud computing, so, to get jobs one has to grasp the computer skills. To conclude, the industry today is seeking new talent, which has a good command over electronics gadgets. The traditional education structure can only support you to learn the basic concepts, but will not fetch you a handsome job and salary.
The 20th century has witnessed phenomena like the IT or industrial revolution, whereas the education system is
still
evolving and trying to catch with the upcoming technological trends. The teaching methods and subjects have
still
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
much, over the last few years.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
critics assert that we should continue with the traditional education system, while I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to revamp the present academic system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
subject, to, sharpen the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
graduates. The essay will outline the benefits of adding, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of subjects and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with a conclusion.

Firstly
, since, the curriculum adopted in the educational institutes has
still
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
much in the last few years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the fresh graduates find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "get a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the market".
in the market
.
In other words
, employers do not want to spend their time and money on imparting trainings to the freshers, as they are looking for candidates who already possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the work from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
day of their office. The University of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York,
For instance
, published a placement report for the year 2019, and it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that students with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
expertise in computer languages
were offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
by the visiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Moreover
, medical science is
also
using computer-driven machines to do complex operations, thereby making it a compulsive for the doctors to have a stronghold on the computers.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, nowadays, any sector be
Possible typo: you repeated a word
it IT
, factories or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
departments, every process
is controlled
by computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is mandatory to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge of computers.
For example
, recently the Mines authority of South Africa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
2000 robots from Robot India Limited for mining purpose, which means even the mining operations are to
be done
by computer operated robots.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities are coming in the fields,
namely
, artificial intelligence, python and cloud computing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
grasp the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, the industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
talent, which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
command over electronics gadgets. The traditional education structure can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support you to learn the basic concepts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will not fetch you a handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and salary.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts