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For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and Math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree? v.1

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and Math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. v. 1
Skills such as reading, writing and math are considered as the primary disciplines for over 100 years, but with the The invention of computers, some people believe that computer education ought be added to the primary skill sets. In my opinion, I agree that computer teaching should be made as the mandatory subject in addition to the main skills. A good reason to add computer skill is that it dominates almost all the job industries, especially in space, banking And health care. For instance, computers are getting widely used from a small supermarket to highly advanced space centres. In other words, an employer seeks computer talent as the prominent one even for an entry level job. So, without this skill, it is difficult for any job aspirants to get an employment in the market. Another good reason to have the computer knowledge is its importance in higher education. In higher education, most of the subjects are now computer based, and it requires basic to advanced level of knowledge. On top of that, all the research in universities is now being handled using high computation machines. Therefore, when a student fails to possess such talent in his school, then it is extremely problematic for him to compete. Finally, because of globalization, one can access an information from any geographical location instantly using computers. In order to access those information and to further explore it, one should have good computer skills. For example, a student can access all the study materials from top class universities in the United States even though he is located out of a small town in India. Furthermore, from international varsities, a lot of online degree courses are available which a student can compete quite easily when he knows about computer. In conclusion, computers play a huge role in almost every single field, and primary skills are not sufficient for one to succeed in a career. Therefore, it is Essential to add computer skill as one of the must learn skill in school curriculum.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
such as reading, writing and math
are considered
as the primary disciplines for over 100 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the

The invention of computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that computer education
Did you mean "ought to be"?
ought be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer teaching should
be made
as the mandatory subject
in addition
to the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is that it dominates almost all the job industries,
especially
in space, banking

And health care.
For instance
, computers are getting
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
supermarket to
highly
advanced space
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
In other words
, an employer seeks computer talent as the prominent one even for an entry level job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, it is difficult for any job aspirants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an employment in the market.

Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to have the computer knowledge is its importance in higher education.

In higher education, most of the subjects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
computer based, and it requires basic to advanced level of knowledge.

On top of that
, all the research in universities is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being handled
using high computation machines.
Therefore
, when a student fails to possess such talent in his school, then it is
extremely
problematic for him to compete.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of globalization, one can access an information from any geographical location
instantly
using computers.

In order to access
Did you mean "this information" or "those informations"?
those information
and to
further
explore it, one should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, a student can access all the study materials from top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
universities in the United States
even though
he
is located
out of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town in India.
Furthermore
, from international varsities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
online degree courses are available which a student can compete quite
easily
when he knows about computer.

In conclusion
, computers play a huge role in almost every single field, and primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not sufficient for one to succeed in a career.
Therefore
, it is

Essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
as one of
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in school curriculum.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and Math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. v. 1

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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