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many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1
Due to globalization and advancement in technology the world has become a modern place. In this contemporary era, profuse number of people tend to think that social networking websites have adverse effects on both individuals and community. I completely agree with this statement and this essay will support this viewpoint in the following paragraphs. First and foremost reason is that instead of taking initiatives and making clear window of opportunities for the future, more people waste their time on these sites. For instance, people invest huge window of time in wandering aimlessly on websites instead of which they can hone their skills on various fields. Furthermore, some conglomerate or small companies seduce people to spend most of the time on these sites with some deceptive and useless advertisements, games and in different ways. The last but not the least reason is that populace of the world become addicted to these sites. It causes concentration issues, inattention psychological and health problems. Moreover, they endeavor to do all their works online such as shopping, job seeking and others, as a result it brings about inactivity and sedentary lifestyle to people. These problems are generated because the lack of prioritizing ability and time management. To recapitulate, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that this enhancement in technology resulted in generating more websites and it detriments civilization. People should realize that time takes an intrinsic part in our lifestyle and plays a navigational role which assists us to move forward to the right direction in the future.
Due to globalization and advancement in technology the world has become a modern place. In this contemporary era, profuse number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that social networking websites have adverse effects on both individuals and community. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will support this viewpoint in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost reason is that
instead
of taking initiatives and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
window of opportunities for the future, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on these sites.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invest huge window of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in wandering
aimlessly
on websites
instead
of which they can hone their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on various fields.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conglomerate or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
seduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on these sites with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deceptive and useless advertisements, games and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least reason is that populace of the world become addicted to these sites. It causes concentration issues, inattention psychological and health problems.
Moreover
, they endeavor to do all their works online such as shopping, job seeking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
,
as a result
it brings about inactivity and sedentary lifestyle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These problems
are generated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the lack of prioritizing ability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management.

To recapitulate, the obvious conclusion to
be drawn
is that this enhancement in technology resulted in generating more websites and
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it detriments
civilization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
takes an intrinsic part in our lifestyle and plays a navigational role which assists us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward to the right direction in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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