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For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading and writing. With the advent of computer skill be made as fourth aubject to be added. To what extent do you agree? v.1

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading and writing. With the advent of computer skill be made as fourth aubject to be added. v. 1
I am strongly in favour of this notion that computers will be added in the majority of schools in the near future as a large number of opportunities being demanded this skill due to its myriad merits. Firstly, the introduction of computer in economy sector, playing a crucial role because of the use of it, businesses gaining a lot of massive successes with the fixed amount of time as their employers as well as employees can get information about global market by sitting only in front of the artificial brain. Through which, for future employment everyone would be informed about the computer skills. For instance, if someone wants the job in Googe, Amazon and these types of place, they will need an exquisite and profound understanding about the functions of an artificial intelligence. Hence, the day is not far when all schools will possess the PC as a mandatory subject which all students must study. Additionally, due to the hard competition in academic life, all pupils should have the skill that how to operate a computer, through which tutors will be able to send enough stuff related studies to their schoolers in turmoil situations. For example, in natural disasters, when schools can be closed and on holidays. So students can continue their study, moreover, they can get the wider material from CPU correctly. Which is the second reason that why microcomputer will be the centre of the academic subjects. In conclusion, I intend that requirement of PC in further time will be in all sectors of life which can force the tuitions to involve this as a main course.
I am
strongly
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this notion that computers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the majority of schools in the near future as
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
opportunities
being demanded
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
due to its myriad merits.

Firstly
, the introduction of computer in economy sector, playing a crucial role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it, businesses gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
massive successes with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
amount of time as their employers
as well
as employees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about global market by sitting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in front of the artificial brain. Through which, for future employment everyone would
be informed
about the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, if someone wants the job in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Googe
, Amazon and these types of place, they will need an exquisite and profound understanding about the functions of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "artificial intelligence".
an artificial intelligence
.
Hence
, the day is not far when all schools will possess the PC as a mandatory subject which all students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
study.

Additionally
, due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
competition in academic life, all pupils should have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that how to operate a computer, through which tutors will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
stuff related studies to their schoolers in turmoil situations.
For example
, in natural disasters, when schools can
be closed
and on holidays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
students can continue their study,
moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the wider material from CPU
correctly
. Which is the second reason that why microcomputer will be the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the academic subjects.

In conclusion
, I intend that requirement of PC in
further
time will be in all sectors of life which can force the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
to involve this as a main course.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading and writing. With the advent of computer skill be made as fourth aubject to be added. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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