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For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v.2

For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v. 2
Advertisements have intruded our daily lives without many of us even realizing how they impact our society. Many believe they provide details of products that could improve our lives; however, there is also an argument that they indirectly compel us to buy stuff that is not at all necessary. I personally believe, advertisements have in many ways misguided us and have resulted in unnecessary expenditure. Firstly, advertisements have generated a false necessity or pride in using the commodity, especially when it is endorsed by a celebrity. When a favourite celebrity comes on television and endorses a commodity, people tend to believe him and buy without any hesitation or doing any research. For instance, the famous Indian Cricketer, Sachin Tendulkar’s, endorsing Pepsi 10 years back resulted in a surge of Pepsi sales in India. These sales had no rationale behind it, as people bought Pepsi neither because it tasted good nor because it was nutritious; but they purchased it only because Sachin Tendulkar had endorsed it. Advertisements also tend to provide inaccurate, inadequate and misleading information about the product. The details of the production are comfortably hidden behind the graphics, sound effects and the script in the advertisement. The Volkswagon scandal is a perfect example of this use-case, where the famous car manufacturer advertised a low carbon emission vehicle in the 2000s. Several years later, it was revealed that Volkwagon had faked its carbon emission data in its advertisements and was ordered to pay millions of dollars as a penalty. On the other hand, some people argue that advertisements introduce products to the masses detailing how they could be useful to carry out our daily chores. But I would counter that by saying a good brand would always carry its merits through the word of mouth. In conclusion, although advertisements have their own merits of introducing a product to the masses, their evil sides comfortably overwhelm their pros. Without a government body to monitor the genuineness of advertisements, I would confidently say they do more harm than good to our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
have intruded our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us even realizing how they impact our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe they provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
;
however
, there is
also
an argument that they
indirectly
compel us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuff
that is
not at all necessary. I
personally
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways misguided us and have resulted in unnecessary expenditure.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have generated a false necessity or pride in using the commodity,
especially
when it
is endorsed
by a celebrity. When a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
on television and endorses a commodity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to believe him and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
without any hesitation or doing any research.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian Cricketer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
’s, endorsing Pepsi 10 years back resulted in a surge of Pepsi sales in India. These sales had no rationale behind it, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Pepsi neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it tasted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was nutritious;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
had endorsed it.

Advertisements
also
tend to provide inaccurate, inadequate and misleading information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the production are
comfortably
hidden behind the graphics, sound effects and the script in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Volkswagon
scandal is a perfect example of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
-case, where the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
car manufacturer advertised a low carbon emission vehicle in the 2000s. Several years later, it
was revealed
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Volkwagon
had faked its carbon emission data in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and
was ordered
to pay millions of dollars as a penalty.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the masses detailing how they could be useful to carry out our daily chores.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I would counter that by saying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
brand would always carry its merits through the word of mouth.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits of introducing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the masses, their evil sides
comfortably
overwhelm their pros. Without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
body to monitor the genuineness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, I would
confidently
say they do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay For a group assignment, would you prefer to work with a new group of people whom you don't know all that well, or work with your close friends? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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