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Food travels in thousands of miles from farm to the consumers. Many people think eating food from local people would be benificial to the environment and the economy. Do the advantages of eating local food outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Food travels in thousands of miles from farm to the consumers. Many people think eating food from local people would be benificial to the environment and the economy. Do the advantages of eating local food outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays, thanks to the globalization, people in any countries are increasingly consuming foods from not only domestic sources but also other territories. Some people suggest the idea that we should only use local foods to avoid any negative effects both environmentally and economically, but I believe that the distant food exchange is harmful to our environment only. From economic perspective, benefits that trading food bring to our society are undeniable. It helps many developing countries, which rely heavily on agricultural sector as the main contributor to their GDP, to develop the economy via exporting their food products to the industrialized world. This also means that a huge number of jobs regard to producing, packaging and distributing food would be created, helping employ local residents who might not be able to find any other jobs. For example, millions of farmers in South Vietnam have had a descent life thanks to the constant rice-exporting activities for over the last two decades, compared to previous generations with unstable life when rice productions were interrupted frequently because of the uncertain domestic market. However, food-trading activities cause many detrimental issues to our environment. Firstly, transporting food between nations requires a huge amount of energy, resulting in encouraging exploitation of fossil fuels like oil and coal. Also, the increasing level of emission from the vehicles used to transport food is another concern, which would contribute to the increase of concentration of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. Finally, the growth of agricultural activities would encourage people to occupy more natural lands for economic benefits, leading to soil degradation and the decrease of area of land for forest protection and natural conservation. In conclusion, although I agree that trading food is not environmentally friendly, I would argue that it is completely beneficial in economic terms.
Nowadays, thanks to the globalization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in any countries are
increasingly
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
domestic sources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other territories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to avoid any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects both
environmentally
and
economically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
exchange is harmful to our environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

From economic perspective, benefits that trading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
bring to our society are undeniable. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, which rely
heavily
on agricultural sector as the main contributor to their GDP, to develop the economy via exporting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products to the industrialized world. This
also
means that a huge number of jobs regard to producing, packaging and distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would
be created
, helping employ local residents who might not be able to find any other jobs.
For example
, millions of farmers in South Vietnam have had a descent life thanks to the constant rice-exporting activities for over the last two decades, compared to previous generations with unstable life when rice productions
were interrupted
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the uncertain domestic market.

However
, food-trading activities cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental issues to our environment.
Firstly
, transporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
between nations requires a huge amount of energy, resulting in encouraging exploitation of fossil fuels like oil and coal.
Also
, the increasing level of emission from the vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is another concern, which would contribute to the increase of concentration of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
Finally
, the growth of agricultural activities would encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to occupy more natural lands for economic benefits, leading to soil degradation and the decrease of area of land for forest protection and natural conservation.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that trading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
environmentally
friendly, I would argue that it is completely beneficial in economic terms.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Food travels in thousands of miles from farm to the consumers. Many people think eating food from local people would be benificial to the environment and the economy. Do the advantages of eating local food outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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