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Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 4
It is an obvious fact that financial aspects are major part of the daily life, as an adult and even a young individual. Each and everyone of us has to make financial decisions concerning recreation, health, education and basic lifestyle. The question in mind is whether to start with financial learning as part of the school program or shift it to the higher knowledge stage in life. At the initial stage, it has to understand the value of money, the way the economic system works and to interpret financial news and its implications are a virtue. Without the virtue, an individual, even a young one, might suffer to some extent. Let's look at a child who doesn’t understand the concept of money might find it more difficult to except choosing only one present out of more possible ones. Despite of information, many adults are not capable of financial analysis. Quite often, the reason can be the lack of sound foundations or insecurity when it comes to financial terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background, can very likely prevent undefined situations. But, the financial notes necessarily involves quantifying and setting prices and value for services and goods. It can easily turn young people into cynical human beings who lack emotion. In advance, a tendency to self-concentration and egoism might arise, when one start measuring everything from a profit-making perspective. In conclusion, financial logs have both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages, making financial learning an advisable component of the school program. The disadvantages should be thought of as a certain price that young people have to pay due to the characteristics of the world that we live in.
It is an obvious fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aspects are major part of the daily life, as an adult and even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individual. Each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
of us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
decisions concerning recreation, health, education and basic lifestyle. The question in mind is whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
learning as part of the school program or shift it to the higher knowledge stage in life.

At the initial stage, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
understand the value of money, the way the economic system works and to interpret
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
news and its implications are a virtue. Without the virtue, an individual, even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one, might suffer to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's look at a child who doesn’t understand the concept of money might find it more difficult to except choosing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one present out of more possible ones.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults are not capable of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
analysis. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, the reason can be the lack of sound foundations or insecurity when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
terms and concepts. Starting from an early age, building a strong background, can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
undefined situations.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
notes
necessarily
involves quantifying and setting prices and value for services and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. It can
easily
turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into cynical human beings who lack emotion. In advance, a tendency to self-concentration and egoism might arise, when one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
measuring everything from a profit-making perspective.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
logs have both pros and cons.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
learning an advisable component of the school program. The disadvantages should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as a certain price that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay due to the characteristics of the world that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. with this statement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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