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Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, the smart phones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantades? v.1

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, the smart phones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantades? v. 1
The core objective of the education is to enhance academic skills of the students and to prepare them to cope up with the global competition. Nowadays, some people believe that teaching children at home is best for their future development, whereas, there is a strong counter argument amongst other sections of the people. I personally believe that a school plays an important role in everyone's life. In this essay, we will discuss advantages of both the parameters before any conclusion can be drawn. To begin with, parents spend lots of funds and energy on their children's education because schooling is extremely important to develop a base of knowledge for everyone. Firstly, there are other co-curricular activities also, which children learn in their schooling years, apart from academic education. For example, they learn to coordinate and adjust to other counter students, which will help them in the real world. Secondly, healthy competition among students plays an important role in their development. For example, as a student, I used to get motivated from other students to perform better every time in my exams and to compete with top scorers. Furthermore, it is important to understand that an environment around the children needs to be healthy during their growing years. For example, in western countries parents believe in teaching at home because they can provide good and healthy environment for their children. We can't blindly copy them and spoil our young generation. Our education system needs upgradation as students should be encouraged to take part in Co curricular activities apart from their never ending syllabus. Finally, the biggest advantage in home schooling is the individual attention which tutor can give to the student as per the needs. For example, I always prefer studying at night rather than at daytime. In this case, it is easy to set a schedule according to your needs and requirements. To conclude, group schooling should be the worldwide phenomena instead of home schooling. In my opinion, it is important for every individual to complete their schooling from good and recognised universities. Children with a uniform set of educational reforms will be more beneficial for the society as a whole.
The core objective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to enhance academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and to prepare them to cope up with the global competition. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home is best for their future development, whereas, there is a strong counter argument amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sections of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
personally
believe that a school plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in everyone's life. In this essay, we will discuss advantages of both the parameters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, parents spend lots of funds and energy on their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to develop a base of knowledge for everyone.
Firstly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
co-curricular activities
also
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
years, apart from academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, they learn to coordinate and adjust to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
counter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the real world.
Secondly
, healthy competition
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in their development. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform better every time in my exams and to compete with top scorers.

Furthermore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to understand that an environment around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to be healthy during their growing years. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in western countries parents believe in teaching at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and healthy environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. We can't
blindly
copy them and spoil our young generation. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgradation
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in Co curricular activities apart from their never ending syllabus.
Finally
, the biggest advantage in home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
is the individual attention which tutor can give to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, I always prefer studying at night
rather
than at daytime.
In this case
, it is easy to set a schedule according to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and requirements.

To conclude
, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
should be the worldwide phenomena
instead
of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
. In my opinion, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for every individual to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
universities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
with a uniform set of educational reforms will be more beneficial for the society as a whole.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, the smart phones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantades? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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