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Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In today's globalized world, a lot of entertainment are located on portable devices at persons fingertips. Some claim that this phenomenon has positive aspects. The aim of this essay is justify that such benefits outweigh drawbacks. On the one hand, nowadays, it has been easier to get the access to such entertainments as games or films for kids than it was before. Unfortunately, such development is not good for children. In the young age it is often hard to keep their attention on education, since they have laptops or phones with the Internet access. Take the case of Europe, for example. In 2017 german scientists conducted a research and revealed that schools where were allowed to bring devices inside became the worst in regions. However, there are benefits that people are capable to find any films or games on their gadgets. It is obvious that while person is travelling by train or by plane there is no another way except waiting. So, entertainments really can help to kill some time in the occasions. Moreover, not only do devices assist to spend time, but also they suggest a good way for education. Currently, there are a lot of training games and films, which persons can find online. For instance, it was reported in The New York Times few years ago that almost half information on the Internet is about training or teaching something. Thus, people are really capable to study, using their tablet computers, laptops or smartphones. To conclude, taking everything into account, the disadvantages of such phenomenon are real, but the benefits above outweigh the drawbacks. Our world and society have been developing extremely fast and people should use technologies effectively.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's globalized world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainment
are located
on portable devices at persons fingertips.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that this phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects. The aim of this essay is justify that such benefits outweigh drawbacks.

On the one hand, nowadays, it has been easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the access to such entertainments as games or films for kids than it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Unfortunately, such development is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for children. In the young age it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their attention on education, since they have laptops or phones with the Internet access. Take the case of Europe,
for example
. In 2017
Possible spelling mistake found.
german
scientists conducted a research and revealed that schools where were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to bring devices inside became the worst in regions.

However
, there are benefits that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are capable to find any films or games on their gadgets. It is obvious that while person is travelling by train or by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
another way except waiting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, entertainments
really
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to kill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time in the occasions.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do devices assist to spend time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they suggest a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for education.
Currently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
training games and films, which persons can find online.
For instance
, it
was reported
in The New York Times few years ago that almost half information on the Internet is about training or teaching something.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
really
capable to study, using their tablet computers, laptops or smartphones.

To conclude
, taking everything into account, the disadvantages of such phenomenon are real,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits above outweigh the drawbacks. Our world and society have been developing
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technologies
effectively
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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