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Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages. v.4

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages. v. 4
Entertainments are becoming increasingly abundant in this modern world owing to the advancement in technology and the internet. Electronic devices such as mobile phones, tablets and computers allow people to access movies and games anytime they want, changing the way people spend their leisure time. This essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of this phenomenon, and provide the reasons why negative effects outweighs the advantages. Some advantages of having access to a variety of entertainment from mobile devices are its time efficiency and cost effectiveness. For example, watching a film in a theatre is more expensive than accessing a movie on the internet. People can save the time to travel to the movie theatre and simultaneously, watch movies anytime they want as long as there is an internet access. It is also beneficial to a family with small children as letting them watch a movie or play games on smart phones or tablets keeps them busy, creating extra time to do house chores for parents. Thus, it must be acknowledged that there are some advantages of this development. On the other hand, its detrimental effects are tremendous. It changed the way of socialising not only with family members, but also with friends. While people can watch movies or play games together, it does not involve actual human interactions, rather it creates an environment where people are accepted to remain silent without any conversations. Moreover, people spend less time in engaging physical activities as they have more options in spending their leisure time. This contributes to the unhealthy lifestyle, making people prone to some illnesses such as diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. As discussed, the lack of social interaction and sedentary lifestyle negatively affect people's social life and health. In conclusion, while people appreciate the abundance of entertainments made available owing to the advancement in technology, the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. People should make a wide choice in deciding how they spend their leisure time. It is recommended to spend time socialising with others and look after one's health by exercising outside, rather than spending hours on mobile phones and computers.
Entertainments are becoming
increasingly
abundant in this modern world owing to the advancement in technology and the internet. Electronic devices such as mobile phones, tablets and computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and games anytime they want, changing the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will discuss both benefits and drawbacks of this phenomenon, and provide the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects outweighs the advantages.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advantages of having access to a variety of entertainment from mobile devices are its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
efficiency and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
.
For example
, watching a film in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is more expensive than accessing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on the internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and
simultaneously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
anytime they want as long as there is an internet access. It is
also
beneficial to a family with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children as letting them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
or play games on smart phones or tablets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them busy, creating extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores for parents.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be acknowledged
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of this development.

On the other hand
, its detrimental effects are tremendous. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with friends. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or play games together, it does not involve actual human interactions,
rather
it creates an environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
to remain silent without any conversations.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in engaging physical activities as they have more options in spending their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This contributes to the unhealthy lifestyle, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses such as diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. As discussed, the lack of social interaction and sedentary lifestyle
negatively
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's social life and health.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appreciate the abundance of entertainments made available owing to the advancement in technology, the disadvantages outweigh its advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a wide choice in deciding how they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It
is recommended
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with others and look after one's health by exercising outside,
rather
than spending hours on mobile phones and computers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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