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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1
Due to the growth, and increase of supermarket in a few nations, many local businesses are not able to contest. Some individuals are of the opinion that, if indigenous business shuts down it will cause the extinction of native communities. I certainly agree with the view held. A store with all goods in one place, is the dream of any consumer. For example, Walmart is a superstore that has all household commodities. It encompasses all businesses under one roof. Individuals often spend an entire day at one place, but take back all that they require. Since, people are often pressed for time, they schedule a day to pick all the groceries, and end up in a supermarket. The other advantage is that of not having to travel to different places for a particular item. Nevertheless mega stores have not stopped surprising the public, as besides foodstuffs they sell clothes too. Although, in contrast to this every booming industry the small businesses suffer. Local vendors from the street are unable to get a good amount of money for their goods. They have a few regular customers, but with seldom need to purchase. Hence, they are discouraged from selling their age-old recipes. For instance, a community that sells pork lost its business to the giant company of meat processor. The death of business will eventually result in the extinction of the commodity altogether. If people do not purchase mango pickle anymore, there is no use of preparing the dish. There has to be a constant balance between demand, and supply. In conclusion, even though mega markets are here to stay for a long time it is vital that small stores are given funding as well.
Due to the growth, and increase of supermarket in a few nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are not able to contest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are of the opinion that, if indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
shuts down it will cause the extinction of native communities. I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view held.

A store with all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in one place, is the dream of any consumer.
For example
, Walmart is a superstore that has all household commodities. It encompasses all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
under one roof. Individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend an entire day at one place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
take back all that they require. Since,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pressed for time, they schedule a day to pick all the groceries, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a supermarket. The other advantage is that of not having to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places for a particular item.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
mega stores have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
surprising the public, as
besides
foodstuffs they sell clothes too.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
in contrast
to this every booming industry the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
suffer. Local vendors from the street are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. They have a few regular customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with seldom need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Hence
, they
are discouraged
from selling their age-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
recipes.
For instance
, a community that sells pork lost its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to the giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of meat processor. The death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will
eventually
result in the extinction of the commodity altogether. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
mango pickle anymore, there is no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of preparing the dish. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be a constant balance between demand, and supply.

In conclusion
,
even though
mega markets are here to stay for a long time it is vital that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stores are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
funding
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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