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Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion. v.1

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 1
Multimedia games containing violent content are liked by many across the globe. A section of the society believes that they should be banned because of their negative impacts. Others opine that computer games are a way to relax and should not be banned. I agree with the former opinion as violence-filled computer games alter the psychology of humans besides being a waste of time. On the one hand, playing computer games is regarded as the best pass-time activity. People have a hectic routine with very little time to enjoy themselves. As such, computer games are played by a number of people to soothe their nerves after a day’s hectic routine. Moreover, playing computer games is the easiest leisure activity to undertake. Unlike outdoor or arcade games, one can play multimedia games on a screen without having to arrange other players at any time. On the other hand, the psychological and individual impacts of violence-marred multimedia games can only be seen as negative. Firstly, computer games alter the psychology of the people, making them indifferent to violence. As blood and gore is fed over a period of time, the brain develops a sort of immunity to it. Eventually, people lose conscience and act indifferent to violence in actual life. Secondly, computer games are unproductive and a number of people waste their time on them. The learning opportunity in violent games is almost nil and people, especially youngsters, waste a lot of time which could be spent at a rather productive task. In conclusion, and in my opinion, although computer games are thought to be of importance for people’s entertainment, their gory content castes a very bad psychological impact on people. Also, computer games are a waste of time and therefore, they should be banned for masses.
Multimedia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
containing violent content
are liked
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
across the globe. A section of the society believes that they should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. Others opine that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a way to relax and should not
be banned
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former opinion as violence-filled computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
alter the psychology of humans
besides
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of time.

On the one hand, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is regarded
as the best pass-time activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have a hectic routine with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy themselves. As such, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are played
by a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to soothe their nerves after a day’s hectic routine.
Moreover
, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is the easiest leisure activity to undertake. Unlike outdoor or arcade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, one can play multimedia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a screen without having to arrange other players at any time.

On the other hand
, the psychological and individual impacts of violence-marred multimedia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
Firstly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
alter the psychology of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, making them indifferent to violence. As blood and gore
is fed
over a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the brain develops a sort of immunity to it.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose conscience and act indifferent to violence in actual life.
Secondly
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are unproductive and a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them. The learning opportunity in violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is almost nil and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which could
be spent
at a
rather
productive task.

In conclusion
, and in my opinion, although computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be of importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
entertainment, their gory content castes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
psychological impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Also
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
therefore
, they should
be banned
for masses.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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