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All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. v. 3
The parents always desire for their children to enjoy the best facilities. It is widely debated whether the children should be given skills training or taught various subjects at schools. In my opinion, both skills and subjects should be taught in order to make the children physically and mentally capable. On the one hand, there are various benefits of training children on different skills. Firstly, physical skills such as sports make the children fitter. With the sedentary lifestyle children have these days, it is imperative for the schools to provide physical training so that children can lead a healthy life. Secondly, children who want to become artists can learn from the non-theoretical subjects such as arts, music and dancing. Schools provide an early stage for the future artists which goes a long way in defining a successful career. On the other hand, there are equal benefits of teaching various subjects to the children. Once the children come of age, they utilize all theoretical knowledge gained at school in their work life. If subjective knowledge is not given to the children, they will not be able to compete with their coworkers. Moreover, the theoretical knowledge learnt at schools helps children secure admission in the university of their choice. For the sake of higher education, the children need to clear aptitude tests or interviews at various universities which are dependent upon their earlier studies. The schools should therefore provide theoretical knowledge In conclusion, I believe that practical skills and theoretical subjects are of equal importance. The schools should maintain a viable balance between practical skills training and theoretical subjects so that the children can learn and benefit from both.
The parents always desire for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enjoy the best facilities. It is
widely
debated whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be taught
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
and mentally capable.

On the one hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Firstly
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fitter. With the sedentary lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have these days, it is imperative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to provide physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can lead a healthy life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who want to become artists can learn from the non-theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as arts, music and dancing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
provide an early stage for the future artists which goes a long way in defining a successful career.

On the other hand
, there are equal benefits of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
of age, they utilize all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
knowledge gained at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their work life. If subjective knowledge is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they will not be able to compete with their coworkers.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
knowledge
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
secure admission in the university of their choice. For the sake of higher education, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
aptitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
or interviews at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
universities which are dependent upon their earlier studies. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
therefore
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
knowledge


In conclusion
, I believe that practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are of equal importance. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should maintain a viable balance between practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn and benefit from both.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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