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Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion. v.3

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 3
It is irrefutable that entertainment plays an imperative role in the society. However a considerable amount of people opine movies and other electronic gadgets should be prohibited due to the fact it holds destructive which are commercial. Whist others argue it is not destructive and would rather help the masses to ease. I personally agree with the former notion and will elucidate both views in the following paragraphs. To embark upon, there are several attributes as most of the individuals try to replicate their favourite actors in movies by wearing western suits. As a consequence, conflict arises in the society due to the fact of encouraging foreign customs. For instance, In India. Movies are given utmost importance and this leads the teenagers to follow them and try to act like them. Video games significantly influence one’s attitude as most of the adolescent tries to enact the same in the real world. Thus most of them support that these types of entertainment should be banned On a contrary, Proponents of this other view believe that these types of entertainment are only meant to ease the stress of the individuals rather than causing a detrimental effect. In other words, most of the masses prefer to spend some leisure time with family by spending time watching movies or playing video games. For example, recent survey held by researchers state that people who spend some time to ease mental stress by watching movie and playing computer games tend to be more active the following day at work. Hence, others opine this is not problematic. To recapitulate, Both views have their own pros and cons. Although entertainment helps in easing out the stress of an individual. It does deters by exposing some destructive scenes which might impact the society. Thus I believe that movies and games which promote violent actions should be prohibited from the society, so that it will alleviate the consequences.
It is irrefutable that entertainment plays an imperative role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
a considerable amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electronic gadgets should
be prohibited
due to the fact it holds destructive which are commercial. Whist others argue it is not destructive and would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former notion and will elucidate both views in the following paragraphs.

To embark upon, there are several attributes as most of the individuals try to replicate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
actors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by wearing western suits. As a consequence, conflict arises in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
due to the fact of encouraging foreign customs.
For instance
, In India.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
utmost importance and this leads the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to follow them and try to act like them. Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
significantly
influence one’s attitude as most of the adolescent tries to enact the same in the real world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
most of them support that these types of entertainment should be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
banned


On a contrary, Proponents of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
view believe that these types of entertainment are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
meant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the individuals
rather
than causing a detrimental effect. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, most of the masses prefer to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure time with family by spending time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, recent survey held by researchers state that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to be more active the following day at work.
Hence
, others opine this is not problematic.

To recapitulate, Both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in easing out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of an individual. It does
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "deter"?
deters
by exposing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
destructive scenes which might impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which promote violent actions should
be prohibited
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will alleviate the consequences.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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