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Computers play a vital role in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using computers in education v.2

Computers play a vital role in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using computers in education v. 2
Moving towards the 21st century, many people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about the role of computers in education. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that computers bring a number of benefits to high school and university education. However, others argue convincingly that the overuse of computers has negative impacts on the young generations in studying at high school and university levels. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main points for people to defend the former argument that computers play a central role in teaching and learning at the university level. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that E-learning and external study are now considered to be the preferred choice of the majority of university students in developed countries. The most obvious example to prove is that they can learn the lesson from their home or anywhere by using the computer and the Internet to access the E-learning facilities. Furthermore, there is no doubt that computers definitely help disabled people to be able to get a higher education degree through long-distance studies. For instance, Information Technology (IT) is well-known to be important for current world, thus disabled students are allowed to study this major at the university level to secure a good job in their future career. On the other hand, there are two primary pieces of evidence for people to support the latter argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted by the fact that students are too dependent on computers and the Internet for their studies, so the role of the teachers and lecturers might be affected due to the lack of face to face communication. A clear example to prove is that the preferred of the vast majority of students in developed countries is to study externally instead of on-campus study for learning their major, especially for the field of Social Sciences and Business. Equally important, there is no denying that computers are overused for not only studying but also for entertaining films, movies, and video games. The eyes and heart issues should be affected by watching and playing games for a long time period. All things are considered, it is my strong belief that the advantages of using computers in education outweigh its disadvantages. Accordingly, I strongly recommend the governments should enhance people’s awareness in terms of minimizing the negative side of computers. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will be ensured.
Moving towards the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are nowadays expressing a
deeply
growing concern about the role of computers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold
firmly
to their belief that computers bring a number of benefits to high school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that the overuse of computers has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the young generations in studying at high school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
levels.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments both for and against this issue will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the former argument that computers play a central role in teaching and learning at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a well-documented fact that E-learning and external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
considered to be the preferred choice of the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. The most obvious example to prove is that they can learn the lesson from their home or anywhere by using the computer and the Internet to access the E-learning facilities.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that computers definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
degree through long-distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For instance
, Information Technology (IT) is well-known to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world,
thus
disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
this major at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level to secure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in their future career.

On the other hand
, there are two primary pieces of evidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to support the latter argument.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are too dependent on computers and the Internet for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the role of the teachers and lecturers might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to the lack of face to face communication. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example to prove is that the preferred of the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
externally
instead
of on-campus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for learning their major,
especially
for the field of Social Sciences and Business.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, there is no denying that computers
are overused
for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for entertaining films, movies, and video games. The eyes and heart issues should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by watching and playing games for a long time period.

All things
are considered
, it is my strong belief that the advantages of using computers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
outweigh its disadvantages.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
recommend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness in terms of minimizing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of computers. If this recommendation
is carried
out, the comprehensive development of our future generations will
be ensured
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Computers play a vital role in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using computers in education v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
428 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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