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Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. v. 3
It has utterly been claimed that computer games and films which consists of violence are extremely well-known. A plethora of individuals opine that films and computer games have a great number of detrimental impacts on community, so they ought to be restricted; however, an overwhelming majority of people deem that they are innocuous and assist persons to relax. On the one hand, I understand why a vast majority of people support the opinion that violent movies and games are harmless. The proponents of the notion ensure a variety of points to elaborate their standpoint. First and foremost, in today’s world, people are overloaded with their work, and they also have hectic schedules; therefore, having worked, they are more likely to being interested in crime films and violent games in order to relax and refresh their mind. The second point to note is that according to the researchers of Baku State University, watching criminal films and playing violent games cannot negatively affect individuals since people could hardly remember and repeat these kinds of acts in their real lives. Nevertheless, I would side with those who argue that violent films and games should be banned. The primary reason why I think that these types of games and films ought to be forbidden is because they fundamentally consist of violence which can have a huge number of adverse influences on individuals especially immature people. To be more specific, children basically want to repeat and illustrate these actions which they observed, due to this reason that if adolescences watch pornographic films or violent games, they detrimentally affect teenagers’ psychology. Furthermore, these games and films may increase crime rate in the future. In other words, nowadays having observed these movies and games, people may start to practice in their real lives which they noticed, as a result of which in the future individuals tend to commit a crime more than at present. By way of conclusion, there are certain justifications for the former statement, albeit I am of the opinion that violent movies and computer games should be banned. I recommend that especially immature people should not be interested in these kinds of films and games.
It has
utterly
been claimed
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films which consists of violence are
extremely
well-known. A plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
opine that films and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a great number of detrimental impacts on community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they ought to
be restricted
;
however
, an overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that they are innocuous and assist persons to relax.

On the one hand, I understand why a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are harmless. The proponents of the notion ensure a variety of points to elaborate their standpoint.
First
and foremost, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are overloaded
with their work, and they
also
have hectic schedules;
therefore
, having worked, they are more likely to
being interested
in crime films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in order to relax and refresh their mind. The second point to note is that according to the researchers of Baku State University, watching criminal films and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could hardly remember and repeat these kinds of acts in their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Nevertheless
, I would side with those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
. The primary reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films ought to
be forbidden
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
fundamentally
consist of violence which can have a huge number of adverse influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
especially
immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To be more specific, children
basically
want to repeat and illustrate these actions which they observed, due to this reason that if adolescences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
pornographic films or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
detrimentally
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ psychology.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films may increase crime rate in the future.
In other words
, nowadays having observed these movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to practice in their real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which they noticed,
as a result
of which in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
tend to commit a crime more than at present.

By way of conclusion, there are certain justifications for the former statement, albeit I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
movies and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
. I recommend that
especially
immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be interested
in these kinds of films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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