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"According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v.1

"According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v. 1
In today’s world entertainment performances can easily watch through screens, therefore some argue that watching live of them become unnecessary. I do not agree with the statement because of the atmosphere and distraction problems. Although many plays, operas are recently one click away from their audience, a real interaction only can provide by being in the theatre. As human nature is mainly based on the senses, reaching as many senses as possible might have important roles in participants understanding of the performance. For instance, some experiences such as hearing the acoustics, smelling the stage dust not only can boost the audience appreciation to the performance, but also allow them to leave the play with high satisfaction. Moreover, watching a live performance via laptop or TV usually comes along with distractions which cause to not fully understand about it. This is because, being able to stop the video anytime the audience wants, provides a sense of relaxation and reduce the perception of importance to the play. For example, due to the COVID-19 lockdown, theatres were closed in Turkey for two months and the Cultural Ministry uploaded many operas on their YouTube channel for their citizens to watch it, however viewing numbers were relatively lower than the normal audience numbers since many of the citizens prefers to watch with their bare eyes. To summarize, although it is convenient to access entertainment performances from the screens, I do not think this development can take the place of the old-fashioned performance watching because the experience which is provided to the participants and receiving attention to the play from them would not be in the same level.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
through screens,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
of them become unnecessary. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the atmosphere and distraction problems.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
, operas are recently one click away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
, a real interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can provide by being in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. As human nature is
mainly
based on the senses, reaching as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
senses as possible might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in participants understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experiences such as hearing the acoustics, smelling the stage dust not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
appreciation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with high satisfaction.

Moreover
, watching a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
via laptop or TV
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with distractions which cause to not
fully
understand about it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the video anytime the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
wants, provides a sense of relaxation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the perception of importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
For example
, due to the COVID-19 lockdown,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
were closed
in Turkey for two months and the Cultural Ministry uploaded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
operas on their YouTube channel for their citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it,
however
viewing numbers were
relatively
lower than the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
audience
numbers since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the citizens prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
with their bare eyes.

To summarize
, although it is convenient to access entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
from the screens, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this development can take the place of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the experience which
is provided
to the participants and receiving attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
from them would not be in the same level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay "According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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