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"According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v.2

"According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v. 2
The argument statement says that the Super screen should allocate more budget on next year on advertising to reach more number of viewers as these are not reaching to the vierwers. The evidences cited to support this argument are: Report from marketing department, more percentage of positive reviews by the movie reviewers and failing of the reviews to reach it to the viewers. However, the premises given fail to justify or strenghthen the weak argument. The reasons why this argument is rendered inconclusive are: inadequacy or authenticity of the data, fallacious assumptions and wrong analogy. The reasons are dilineated below: Firstly, the author says that according to the report of the marketing department, during the last year the number of people who have attended Super-screen movies are fewer than the any other year, but the author hadn' t provided the exact data of the people who have attended previously and those who are attending now. So, there is inadequacy of the data. Furthermore, there is no authenticity of the data, i. e. how can we say that this data is reliable to say whether the number of viewers decreased or increased, so a proper reliable source and also the data from the other sources are also needed to corroborate the author' s argument. Moreover, one year data is not enough to say whether the viewers are decreasing in number or not. More amount of data is required. So, the argument is inconclusive. Secondly, the author says that there is increase in percentage positive reviews by the movie reviewers but he hadn' t mentioned about the actual number of movie reviewers who reviewed the movies there. What if the number is too small? Eventually the number of positive reviews will be higher then. Also, what if the reviews of these movie reviewers are tendentious? Also, they are paid or bribed to give positive reviews in order to lure more number of viewers. So, reviews from disintersted people are required otherwise, this argument is inconclusive. Thirdly, the author says that the public' s unawareness is the only reson for them not watching the Super-screen produced movies, but the author hadn' t mentioned about the type of movies they produce, like of what genre? What if the majority of people who like movies are young then they will love sci-fi or thriller and super-screen produce romantic or animatic movies or vice-versa can also be true. Moreover, it is also plausible that the people have no resource to watch this movie on like the multiplexes around them are too costly, or there is no multiplex around them. So, there are numerous other possibilities of notb watching the Super-screen produced movies. So, the argument is inconclucive. So, in nutshell i would like to conclude that the argument is palagued with number of fallacious assumptions. Thatswhy it is rendered inconclusive and the author need to provide more amount of data in order to prove his statement conclusive.
The
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argument
statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that the Super screen should allocate more budget on
next
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year
on advertising to reach more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
as these are not reaching to the
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vierwers
. The evidences cited to support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
are: Report from marketing department, more percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviewers
and failing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
to reach it to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
.
However
, the premises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
fail to justify or
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strenghthen
the weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
. The reasons why this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is rendered
inconclusive are: inadequacy or authenticity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, fallacious assumptions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
analogy. The reasons are
Possible spelling mistake found.
dilineated
below:

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that according to the report of the marketing department, during the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have attended Super-screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are fewer than the any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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author
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadn&
#039; t provided the exact
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data
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have attended previously and those
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who
are attending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is inadequacy of the
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data
.
Furthermore
, there is no authenticity of the
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data
,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
how can we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is reliable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
decreased or increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a proper reliable source and
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
from the other sources are
also
needed to corroborate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
author&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
.
Moreover
, one
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year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
are decreasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
or not. More amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is required
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is inconclusive.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that there is increase in percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviewers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadn&
#039; t
Did you mean simply "mentioned the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about the
actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviewers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reviewed the
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movies
there. What if the
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number
is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
?
Eventually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
will be higher then.
Also
, what if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviewers
are tendentious?
Also
, they
are paid
or bribed to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reviews
in order to lure more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
viewers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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reviews
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
disintersted
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people
are required
otherwise
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is inconclusive.

Thirdly
, the
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author
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
public&
#039; s unawareness is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
reson
for them not watching the Super-screen produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadn&
#039; t
Did you mean simply "mentioned the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about the
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
they produce, like of what genre? What if the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are young then they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
sci-fi or thriller and super-screen produce romantic or animatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or vice-versa can
also
be true.
Moreover
, it is
also
plausible that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no resource to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this
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movie
on like
Consider using "the surrounding multiplexes".
the multiplexes around them
are too costly, or there is no multiplex around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there are numerous other possibilities of
Possible spelling mistake found.
notb
watching the Super-screen produced
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movies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inconclucive
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
So
, in nutshell
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like
to conclude
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
palagued
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of fallacious assumptions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thatswhy
it
is rendered
inconclusive and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
need to provide more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
in order to prove his statement conclusive.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
87Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay "According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movi v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
491 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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