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Some people think that it is a good idea to buy a new technological device as soon as it is available. Others think that it is better to wait until many people have bought it. Which do you think is better? v.1

Some people think that it is a good idea to buy a new technological device as soon as it is available. Others think that it is better to wait until many people have bought it. Which do you think is better? v. 1
Nowadays, numerous numbers of new technological devices are coming out on a daily basis. A technology once seemed promising become old-fashioned in a few months, and other products take its place. One that satisfies people stays, and one that fails vanishes. In this kind of modern society, is buying a product with ‘new’, ‘high-end’, ‘cutting-edge’ technology a good idea? In my opinion, there is no point of getting a brand-new product with a new technology rather than waiting until many people have tried it. In this essay, I will provide three reasons-making wise consumer decision, saving money, and avoiding possible dangers- to support this opinion. First of all, by waiting for others to fully use the new technological device, people can make a better decision. These days, a variety of online communities provide consumers with reviews of other consumers. If an individual buy a new product right away, it is impossible for him or her to read different reviews and compare the advantages and shortcomings of the product with other existing products. This can lead to a poor decision. Secondly, you can save money by having patience over buying a brand-new technological device. It is not uncommon for the new products to lower its price after some time has passed in order to compete with other products coming out following the product. Although waiting until many people have bought the product will not 100% ensure the lowered price, it is true that you are paying the most if you buy the new product right away. According to a research held by Korea university market research lab, cost of a smart phone a month after its release is 70% of that of a smart phone just released. That being said, if you can wait, there is a higher chance of you saving money. Finally, there is always a possible danger of a newly applied technology. As there are not enough actual consumers who have tried it, there is no guarantee that a new technological device is safe. For example, in 2017, the new Galaxy note 8 was released to global market. The note series, having royal consumers, were sold out in a fast pace. However, it did not take long for people to discover that the Galaxy note has a possibility to explode in a certain circumstances. Imagine if you have bought it as soon as it was available. You could have been the victim of the explosion. To sum up, it is clear that waiting for other people to buy a newly available device is a better decision than buying it right away, as you can read reviews of others, save money, and avoid possible risks by waiting.
Nowadays, numerous numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are coming out on a daily basis. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
once seemed promising become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned in a few months, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
take its place. One that satisfies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
stays
, and one that fails vanishes. In this kind of modern society, is buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘new’
, ‘high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
’, ‘cutting-edge’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
? In my opinion, there is no point of getting a brand-new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waiting
until
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tried it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this essay, I will provide three reasons-making wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
decision, saving money, and avoiding possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
- to support this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waiting
for others to
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better decision. These days, a variety of online communities provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
with reviews of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. If an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
right away, it is impossible for him or her to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reviews and compare the advantages and shortcomings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This can lead to a poor decision.

Secondly
, you can save money by having patience over buying a brand-new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. It is not uncommon for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to lower its price after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time has passed in order to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
coming out following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waiting
until
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
will not 100% ensure the lowered price, it is true that you are paying the most if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
right away. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
held by Korea university market research lab, cost of a smart phone a month after its release is 70% of that of a smart phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
released. That
being said
, if you can wait, there is a higher chance of you saving money.

Finally
, there is always a possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of a
newly
applied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
who have tried it, there is no guarantee that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is safe.
For example
, in 2017, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Galaxy note
8
was released
to global market. The note series, having royal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
,
were sold
out in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace.
However
, it did not take long for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to discover that the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Galaxy note
has a possibility to explode in a certain circumstances. Imagine if you have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it was available. You could have been the victim of the explosion.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waiting
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
newly
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
is a better decision than buying it right away, as you can read reviews of others, save money, and avoid possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waiting
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is a good idea to buy a new technological device as soon as it is available. Others think that it is better to wait until many people have bought it. Which do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
448 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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